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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24111520">Metamorphosis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoeticKaos/pseuds/PoeticKaos'>PoeticKaos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Half of It (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, POV Alternating, Tags Subject to Change, The Half Of It - Freeform, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, ellister centric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24111520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoeticKaos/pseuds/PoeticKaos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you going to do it or not?” Ellie baits playfully, her mouth curved in amusement. </p><p>“Just! Can you not be a smart butt for once?” Aster pleads in a hush.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie Chu &amp; Paul Munsky, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>346</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oi, Ellie!! It’s ready!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on! I’m coming!”</p><p> </p><p>Before the idea in her head could slip away, she quickly grabs the nearest thing she could write with from her cluttered desk and pries open her well worn notebook, jotting the quote down in pen and paper, and then safely tucks it away.</p><p> </p><p>She then lightly jogs out of her room to meet her roommates already sitting at their quaint dining area. </p><p> </p><p>“For tonight,” Macy does a little chef kiss, points out the huge steaming pot of instant ramen placed in the center of the wooden table, then speaks in a horrible french accent, “A la’ ramen, made by moi, wiz a side of le’ chashu, courtesy of me personal sou chef.” Macy pats Victoria’s shoulder, gracing her with some credit. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh <em> god </em>. Can we eat now?” Alexis complains with an eyeroll, receiving a warning death glare from Victoria. </p><p> </p><p>“No.” Macy denies the request the second it leaves Alexis’ tongue, like she knew the attitude was coming, “And I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop using the lord's name in vain.” she adds playfully, in hopes of lifting Alexis’ glum face. </p><p> </p><p>Macy takes a deep, relaxing breath before clasping her hands to her chest to say her grace. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie knew this was a tradition that most Catholic believers practiced, she always thought about how Aster looked like when she said her prayers. Did she look the same as Macy? With her eyes closed, the face holding a peaceful and restful look. </p><p> </p><p>Most of the time they would just sit patiently and silently nod their support afterwards. All it took was about thirty seconds really, so she really didn’t mind. But Alexis was in a particularly snippy mood today; probably because she wasn’t going home for winter break like everyone else was. </p><p> </p><p>“Heavenly father, we thank you for this food and drink we are about to receive to nourish our bodies for Christ’s sakes, Amen.”</p><p> </p><p>They break the peace and begin taking turns, chattering away, and filling their bowls of Nongshim ramen and braised pork. While Victoria silently hands out cans of Milkis, Ellie hands out sets of metal chopsticks and napkins, and Macy distributes one soft boiled egg per person. </p><p> </p><p>“Mmm. That is so good, Vicky.” Ellie can’t help but groan at how the pork deliciously melts like butter in her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Victoria hums her thanks. </p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Alexis completely bypasses the chopsticks and eats with her fork. Despite being sad, even she can’t help but smile and close her eyes, reveling in the rich taste. Coming from a hispanic background, she wasn’t exposed to much of asian food until she came to move in with these asian women. Now she doesn’t know if she can survive without it. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck yeah, that’s good.” Alexis points with her tattoo sleeved arm over at the Japanese girl sitting in front of her, “Well done, Vicky.” she winks at the stoic faced girl. </p><p> </p><p>Victoria nods her thanks. </p><p> </p><p>“Guys, what about the ramen?” Macy fishes for her compliments. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie replies and nods her head in approval, “Mmph, the bok choy and enoki mushrooms? Really good addition.”</p><p> </p><p>“And the soy sauce marinated eggs? You’ve outdone yourself, Macy.” Alexis praises. </p><p> </p><p>Macy smiles with pride, her cheeks full of food. </p><p> </p><p>Victoria hums her approval and lifts up another chopstick full of noodles, readying herself for another piping hot bite. </p><p> </p><p>“Vicky, blow on it first!” Macy reminds around a mouthful, and as expected, Victoria slurps regardless of how it sends her mouth into a world of pain everytime. While frowning, Macy still talks even though her mouth is full, “Ugh, you guys, finals week was so <em> brutal </em>. I can’t wait to go home and rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, me too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh right. Where are you going again? Squashy town?”</p><p> </p><p>“Squahamish.”</p><p> </p><p>Alexis snorts, “I still don’t think that’s real.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it is.” Ellie painfully confirms. </p><p> </p><p>“We gotta check it out at some point. When we start making moolah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t.” Ellie begs, “Even <em> I </em> don't want to go back.” she points her chopsticks to herself. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you say, Ellie Chu, you’ve been in an awfully good mood lately. Wonder why that is?” Macy chirped while sharing a knowing look with Alexis from across the table. </p><p> </p><p>“Because of Squawk town. She’s goin’ back to Squawk.” Alexis supplies frivolously, trying not to break into laughter. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Squahamish </em> .” Ellie corrects yet again. “You know what? You guys <em> can </em> come, by all means, come visit anytime.” You know what, let them come. They’ll be in for a treat, and by that she means Sparky’s diner, the only place in town to get anything sweet. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we want to meet this Asher Floors.” Alexis says. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie nearly chokes while sipping a spoonful of broth. She knew she’d regret drinking so much that night. And according to her roommates that’s all she could spout off about. About her bestie Paul and her longtime crush Aster. She’s still embarrassed till this day. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s Aster Flores.” Macy corrects quickly. </p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s Asher Florals!”</p><p> </p><p>“No, dummy. She was drunkenly mispronouncing it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Well we’d like to meet <em> Astrid </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. You’re useless-”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie swears she could feel herself turning beet red.</p><p> </p><p>“- It’s <em> Aster </em>! But yeah, we’d love to meet this girl you couldn’t shut up about when you were drunk off your noodles.” she giggles.</p><p> </p><p>Victoria nods eagerly with a rare, humorous smile on her pale, pretty face. She was a woman of very few words. Ellie was always curious as to how Macy and her became close, being that Macy was practically the polar opposite of the quiet girl. </p><p> </p><p>“Oooooh, wow what a pretty name. Get it guuurl.” Alexis nudges her while Ellie is still trying to regain composure, her hands are still smoothing her throat. </p><p> </p><p>Over the course of a few months, she learned what it was like to have friends.. Friends. The term still felt foreign to her. Even though there were times she wanted to rip her hair out, there were plenty of other memories that made up for it. And it was nice to be around people that she could actually relate too. She’s met people that have actually held a book before. And unlike back in Squahamish, she wasn’t the only minority in town.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t turn into Alexis now. ‘Getting it’ multiple times a week.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!”</p><p> </p><p>“You know what it means.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am a <em> single </em> lady with a <em> healthy </em> sex drive. And I’m not ashamed of it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? You’re just jealous you’re not getting any.” Alexis leans closer to Macy before whispering loudly, “I could help with that.” she suggests with a flirty wink.</p><p> </p><p>“W-what?! I don’t <em> need </em> any. I don’t <em> want </em> any! Ugh you’re insufferable! I’ll have you know that I am <em> celibate </em>.” she adds defensively, “And happy about it!” Macy glares over her can as she drinks more.</p><p> </p><p>Victoria adds a judgemental look to Macy’s arsenal. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. So when are we going to meet <em> Aster </em>? Hm? You got a picture or something?” Alexis points her head at Ellie, who looks like she is about to shut down, like a robot that ran out of machinery oil. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah how’d you guys meet?”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it you like about her?”</p><p> </p><p>Victoria grunts at her for more information.</p><p> </p><p>A learning curve was an understatement, her world was basically flipped and turned upside down onto its head. She learned that she had taken her privacy for granted back home, due to the many times Alexis had barged into her room unannounced, or when Macy would tentatively knock on her door at least once a day to ask a question or a favor from her, or when Victoria would unabashedly stare at her longingly as she ate at the table, with taco sausage or her father’s dumplings reflecting in her wanting eyes. </p><p> </p><p>There were many perks that came with being isolated, and she’s learning of them quickly, now that they’re slowly being stripped away against her will, one by one. </p><p> </p><p>“Nope. Nuh uh.” Ellie shakes her head vigorously against their prodding questions.</p><p> </p><p>After they’re done laughing amongst themselves, Macy turns her attention to Alexis while reeling in a piece of bok choy between her lips. “Are you sure you don’t want to come spend winter break with me and Vicky?” she crunches on it after throwing out her reoffer.</p><p> </p><p>She has also learned that the three of them were already established acquaintances, that Macy and Victoria had been best friends since they were six, and that Alexis, as hard as she seemed on the exterior (with her multiple tattoos and piercings), was a tough, independent latina woman that had a soft heart under all the icy cold facade. </p><p> </p><p>And that they all agreed to get a fourth roommate in order to alleviate the cost of rent. </p><p> </p><p>“Yup.” Alexis’ stubborn green eyes show no signs of weakness, she stuffs another mouthful of noodles and meat into her mouth, huffing the steam away with the help of a waving hand. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, we’re just a phone call away if you need anything.” Ellie adds before slurping another mouthful, sighing harshly at how hot it was. </p><p> </p><p>“Is it so hard to blow on your food??” Macy asks in disbelief, her hazel eyes blown out with furrowed brows, flickering between the three of them. Her facial features, mixed with Korean and Caucasian genes, frowns beautifully.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s more enjoyable this way.” Alexis quips. “Also, don’t have the patience for that.” </p><p> </p><p>After Victoria wipes a bead of sweat and sniffs, she nods her agreement. </p><p> </p><p>Macy turns to glare at Ellie, like she was trying to see what her excuse was.</p><p> </p><p>“It is.” Ellie says matter-of-factly, with a careless shrug. </p><p> </p><p>Alexis teases, “Chill out Mama Macy.”</p><p> </p><p>Macy scoffs, shakes her head, and continues making a neat pile of noodles in her soup spoon, topping it with a little of everything to turn it into the perfect bite. She slurps it up satisfactorily, doing a little giddy dance in her chair afterwards, showing just how much she loves it. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie and Alexis just laugh while Victoria tries to stifle a smile. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sometimes Aster wonders what Ellie was up to. </p><p> </p><p>It was frustrating, really, having no way of reaching out to her. She shakes her head impatiently, she is tired of thinking about Ellie so often. She thought she’d be fine, that when the door opened up for her, she’d have no problem walking through it without looking back. And now she wanted nothing more than to talk to the person that gave her the key.</p><p> </p><p>The only way was probably through Paul now. And the last time they had seen each other was when she had slapped him across the face for all to see in the middle of her proposal from her ex-fiance in the middle of a church session. So that route was rather complicated, that was a no go. </p><p> </p><p>Aster sighs sullenly. If before she thought she was happy, content, then this was a rude awakening. She thought that if she just married Trig and started a family, did whatever her family or what God wanted, and checked off everything on her, already set by her parents, life’s to do list, she’d be happy. </p><p> </p><p>Until she met Ellie Chu. And through Ellie, she found her epiphany. And discovered just now <em> discontent </em> she was. It was like Ellie had pointed out the dark hollowness inside of her that she had been blinded to this whole time. </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes she wishes she never met Ellie, because then she wouldn’t be dealing with all of these confusing emotions. Because ever since she’s met her, she has never been able to look at women the same way again. And that was <em> really </em> scary to her, how she couldn’t stop thinking about kissing another girl’s lips again. How her eyes flicker helplessly over a beautiful one. Reluctantly, she thought, what <em> would </em> God think? She huffs through her nostrils shamefully.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know how to process all of this. She was hoping that it was just Ellie she was attracted to, but.. Now it didn’t seem like the case. And she was going through it all alone, and it felt incredibly lonely… Loneliness.. Even that reminds her of Ellie. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘Gravity is matter’s response to loneliness.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She thought she knew what loneliness felt like before.. But this was worse. Because it seems like anywhere she goes, she couldn’t get her mind off of Ellie, or think about just how big of a gap she had left behind for Aster to desperately fill. Aster felt like she was trying to heave shovels of empty, stagnant air that belonged to Squahamish into it. </p><p> </p><p>She holds her pen to her lip in pensive thought and her brain flickers back to her professor beginning his lecture, the Introduction to Art History. </p><p> </p><p>After rechecking her notes, she flips open her book to continue discreetly reading a book, a book that was actually interesting, on her phone. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ellie steps off the train, with her luggage stumbling close behind, and takes a look around to gather her surroundings. Her neck cranes over the railings, with her glasses slipping a bit, that separated the train station from the pedestrian area. </p><p> </p><p>Nostalgia sunk in as her nostrils caught the smell of the smoke steaming out the train whistle, mixed in with the crisp air Squahamish, a town where it all began. Everything was exactly as she had left it, as expected. Of course, she could count on the town of Squahamish to never change their set ways. </p><p> </p><p>The train station booth was still white and worn out as ever. It wasn’t long before her intake of her surroundings became interrupted. She was getting moved about as the people began bustling around, exiting the train without a care for anyone that was near them. Ears and eyes selfishly laser focused on accomplishing what was on their own itinerary.  </p><p> </p><p>For some reason, she was nervous about coming back home, her stomach still churns in anticipation. She knew she was coming home for Christmas, but nonetheless, nothing could prepare her for such a momentous event. She fidgets nervously, stepping here and there, pausing, trying to search through the now fading crowd for that one familiar face.</p><p> </p><p>Then her round, brown eyes lit up.</p><p> </p><p>“Ba!” She shouts, waving an arm up like a flag so that it would help him locate her quicker, the dashing young chinese father finally sees her through his golden rimmed frames. </p><p> </p><p>They both instantly grin widely when their eyes meet, immediately gravitating towards one another, and crashes into an embrace that holds nothing but unspoken yearning to see one another again. </p><p> </p><p>“Ellie.” he muffled into her black hair. What was usually tied up in a black, smooth ponytail, was now half tied up, with braids on the sides, leading up to the back of her head. </p><p> </p><p>Her father took her luggage for her as they both began walking home. He began asking irrelevant questions that he already knew the answers to.</p><p> </p><p>“How is college?” <em> How are you? </em></p><p> </p><p>“It’s good.” <em> I’m good. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Have you eaten?” <em> Are you in good health? Are you taking good care of yourself? </em></p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I had some of your dumplings. Just finished them.” <em> Of course. </em>She had already told him that over the phone earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Good.”</p><p> </p><p>They walked in silence for a few minutes before reaching their place.</p><p> </p><p>They enter through the front door. </p><p> </p><p>“Paul missed you.” <em> I missed you. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I missed him too.” <em> I miss you too, </em>her tone laced with a bit of amusement. She couldn’t wait to see that dingus again. </p><p> </p><p>He nods with an eager look on his face, eyeing the corner of the room, waiting for Ellie’s reaction while he takes her navy parka with bright orange lining to hang up on the coat rack. </p><p> </p><p>“Ba, Christmas tree?!” she whips her head between her father’s childlike grin and the poorly decorated large green tree in the corner. It was slightly lopsided but she kept in mind to fix it later. He must have bought it for her arrival, they had never owned a christmas tree before. </p><p> </p><p>Her eyes threaten to well up. Her worst fear, leaving him behind to fend for himself, was now somewhat relieved by this simple old, rusty photo of their family that was clipped onto a crooked branch, by the way the heater proudly hums in the background, and by the way he smiles with pride. </p><p> </p><p>And with the room obviously lit, the electricity bill was successfully being paid off to brighten the house. She made sure to thank Paul in assisting her father for that as well. </p><p> </p><p>“I love it.” her voice deepens and quivers slightly, her fingers grazing absentmindedly over the tree’s charming features. </p><p> </p><p>His chest swells with pride, with a little pep to his step, he flops back onto his chair and puts on another chinese movie with english subtitles. There were two bowls of braised pork over rice awaiting on the table between them as she took her usual seat beside him. </p><p> </p><p>Her father silently takes his share and begins chowing down.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie smiles downcast and sheds off her outer layer, there was no need for it now that the heater was doing its job.</p><p> </p><p>“Ba, how’s your english coming along?”</p><p> </p><p>He hums thoughtfully as if he was pondering for an answer, but Ellie could see his eyes were glued to the TV, he was more preoccupied with eating and watching. </p><p> </p><p>“...Yes.” </p><p> </p><p>She chuckles and takes a big bite.</p><p> </p><p>Some things never change. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’m so glad Spokane isn’t all that very far.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “How’s art school going, honey?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “There’s that smile I like to see.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I spoke with Rachel’s mother yesterday! Guess what. Her and the girls want to catch up with you!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s my girl.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Trig’s having a party. You should go. Least you can do after what you did to that poor boy’s heart.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Tsk. And in front of everyone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And Paul will be there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Make sure to apologize when you get the chance too.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “There is a lesson in all of this.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You should feel lucky that he’s still so gracious in donations to the church.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “God is with you, he will guide you.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She lets go of a tiresome sigh as she twirls a strand of hair mindlessly as she reads, still drained from that dinner, the kind that she, thankfully, didn’t have to endure for a nice long while since she had moved out.</p><p> </p><p>It was all a blur really. But there was one thing that stood out, that still stuck with her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I heard Mr. Chu’s daughter is coming back for winter break.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She smiles to herself as she flips another page of her book. Then adjusts the pillows behind her back to be able to get in a more comfortable reading position.</p><p> </p><p>And just like that, all her built up resentment just crumbles away. The terrifying possibility that her faith had been shaken, melts away. Just the thought of seeing Ellie again puts a smile on her face. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Paul.” she grunts. Too overcome with excitement, the big teddy bear lifts her up off the ground in his crushing bear hug. Her arms were chained firmly by her sides, her feet dangling helplessly. </p><p> </p><p>“Ellie!” he greets back, misunderstanding terribly. </p><p> </p><p>“No, Paul. Can’t breath.” she manages to strain out. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh sorry.” he spread his arms out like wings, completely dropping Ellie onto the floor of his bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>A sharp pain that jolts from her tailbone. While groaning, with a bit of fluster, she adjusts her glasses and cries, “Well don’t just drop me like that!” she pushes herself up to stand while he rushes to help her by the elbow. It was like that time he yanked her bicycle to a stop which caused her to crumple under her bike. Thoughtless but with genuinely innocent intentions.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie heaves a sigh, pats her butt, and smooths the wrinkles out her shirt before trying again. They both smile and laugh, going in for a much more proper hug this time, with Paul’s hyperness toned down. </p><p> </p><p>“How’ve you been?” she asks against his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Great!”</p><p> </p><p>“How’s your family doing? How’s business?”</p><p> </p><p>“Great! Business is booming.”</p><p> </p><p>“How’s taco sausage?” She asks as if it were a whole being on its own.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, still work in progress, especially since now my mom knows what I’ve been up to. But it tastes great!” he says with a lopsided grin that sat on top of her hair. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s <em> still </em>against it?!” she asks dubiously as she pulls away from the hug. She hops onto his bed and sits with her legs criss-crossed on the end of his bed, wearing a tiny curve on her lips that would make Paul need a microscope for it to be discovered. </p><p> </p><p>“I know. My siblings have tried it though. They love it.” </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe just give her some time.” she says encouragingly. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know. That’s what everyone keeps telling me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie snickers, thinking about how this was taken so seriously by Mrs. Munsky. </p><p> </p><p>“How’s life?” he asks after a pause. </p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, I love it.” She adjusts her frames again, and scratches the itchy spot on her chest under her red and white flannel. He pulls out his desk chair and sits backwards, props his folded arms on the back of the chair, and swivels it around towards her. </p><p> </p><p>The newfound college life had been nothing but gracious to her, being surrounded by like minded academics and wise professors that actually so deeply cared about... Well, to put it frankly, about learning. Grinnell sets their students up for success in their future. It made her miss her english lit teacher all that much more. She never felt so alive, so in her element. So much.. Belonging. She felt like she <em> belonged </em> there. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you. You’re so good with words, you must be having a blast.”</p><p> </p><p>She does a subtle self-satisfying shimmy. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s going pretty good.” Yes, that she was, having a blast. So much of said blast. </p><p> </p><p>So much that she didn’t really know how to begin her own life. </p><p> </p><p>For most of her life, she grew up catering to her father’s needs, so she never had the chance to even learn what hers was. What does she do with her spare time? Besides doing homework and her writing side-gig? When she’s not the one manning the train station day or night, or preparing meals or making calls on behalf of her english illiterate father? </p><p> </p><p>She returns from her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“They have taco pizza.” she adds with a pop of her eyebrows, telling him like it was top secret.</p><p> </p><p>Paul gasps, his jaw drops, with innocent childlike wonder, “Taco <em> pizza </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. You would <em> love </em> it. Not as good as taco sausage though.” </p><p> </p><p>He smiles and nods to himself, “Mmm, that does sound good.”</p><p> </p><p>“And there’s no one there calling me chuchu.” she added lightheartedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Otherwise I’d have to come up there and take care of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie laughs. She misses this so dearly, the way he cares about her and her happiness. “You’re going to have to visit me at some point!” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie really did want him to visit her, to show him around, the new cuisine spots she discovered through locals, the culture, her school grounds, her shared apartment. To introduce him to her roommates. Everything. But she also understands why he couldn’t yet. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” he chuckles, rubbing his neck, “Still working on that, I saved up a little so far.”</p><p> </p><p>That was believable, considering how he spends money on some of the most frivolous things, it would be impressive if he saves any at all. No human being needs a flamethrower, no matter how ‘cool’ it was. And why did he need a drone? To watch his family’s chicken stock from above? Admire the tumbleweeds rolling through Squahamish? She was still pretty perplexed by that. </p><p> </p><p>So it was highly unlikely he has any kind of chunk of money by now. Ironically, he still manages to send her care packages, which she insists that he should stop. But with Paul being, well, Paul, he thought that if he couldn’t visit just yet, the least he could do was send her unskillfully written letters, letters that pretty much equate to his first one to Aster, and items that made him think of her. She knows there is nothing she could say or do to stop it, because he does it to show that he cares. And Ellie knew shipping couldn’t have been cheap either.  </p><p> </p><p>She changes the subject. “I miss asian food so much, it just doesn’t taste the same as Ba’s. And I didn’t bring enough Yakult.” she sighs longingly at the thought. </p><p> </p><p>“I bet.. Oh! Here.” He slides out a cardboard box out of its hiding place from underneath his bed with his feet, taking the top off to reveal it being filled to the brim with packages of the delicious yogurt drink.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes widened. “How’d you get all of that!”</p><p> </p><p>“Three hours.” he says simply.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Paul.” her deep voice somewhere between gratefulness and feeling moved from such a small and thoughtful gesture, something that seems so small was so much more than that. She wonders just how many times he drove three hours just to get some of her favorite things, and then her eyes began to water. “You didn’t have to.” she says in a hoarse whisper. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Don’t do that.” he brushed off the tear that escaped off her cheek with the back of his calloused fingers. “And I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not.”, she stubbornly defends as she tears open the plastic wrappings to dig in for one, “I have allergies.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, okay. I think I have something in my eye too.” She glances up to see the same emotional eyes looking back at hers. </p><p> </p><p>She sniffs and shakes it off, “So um, Iowa is a blue state.”</p><p> </p><p>“Blue?” He imagined everything was blue there. How can an <em> entire </em> state be blue?</p><p> </p><p>“Liberal.. Democratic?”, she tries.</p><p> </p><p>He goes into a state of deep thinking, his eyes concentrating intensely on some random spot midair, his thick eyebrows furrowing. Wow, a blue sausage would be cool to see, he thinks. </p><p> </p><p>She imagines some Windows XP error sound replaying through his brain. </p><p> </p><p>“They like the gays.”, she gives up.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh cool! That’s cool.” He gives her the best supporting grin he could. “That’s awesome, Ellie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it is.” </p><p> </p><p>His face suddenly became serious.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. I.. I know I said something, something that really hurt you and I never apologized for it. I was really ashamed. But now I think I’m ready, Ellie. I just wanted to say that I’m sorr-”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t.” she interrupts with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>She gives him a reassuring look with all the conviction she had, that she has moved on from that day of the football game. All that matters now, was the fact that he consistently tries to understand her lifestyle, and even came to accept her and offer support through the trials of error. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay… Oh, and I did some more research. I found that girls who love girls tend to fall in love faster. And they can’t have kids but they ca-.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie frantically holds up her hands, “Stop.” she commands sternly. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Okay.” he nonchalantly takes a chug from another. “You probably know <em> all </em> that by now.” he does a little surfer dude nod and grins, snickering like a little boy that just heard someone say the taboo word ‘boob’. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie doesn’t even want to know what he was referring to. She uses her thumb to punch another Yakult open, taking a tiny waterfall of its tangy liquid. </p><p> </p><p>She smiles to herself as she fondly recalls her first day of stepping onto campus, when she was sitting on a bench outside of the library while reading a book, when she was waiting in the conference room, for the first club she joined, for the meeting to start. She remembers the feeling of belonging blossoming inside her, with how welcoming those people were, the friends she had made from orientation. </p><p> </p><p>A comfortable silence befell over them. </p><p> </p><p>“So. Annie” Paul finishes his Yakult in one go and lets out a refreshing sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Annie!” Ellie remembers, with very interest in what he had to say. </p><p> </p><p>Her eyes are blank as always, but Paul could tell she was genuinely happy for him, by the subtle pop of her perfectly shaped brows. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! She’s really nice.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah? Does she like taco sausage?” asks Ellie, feigning a serious tone. Ellie fixes her glasses with her forefingers and tucks her hair behind an ear before leaning in, chin supported by her palm. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes! Who doesn’t!” He spreads his arms out, gesturing all of his room, like nobody in the room disliked it. Ironically, it was just the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>They burst out in a good natured laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“She’ll be at the Christmas party. You should come.” </p><p> </p><p>“Of course! I want to get to know her!” She reaches over the foot of the bed with one leg and pats her sock on his arm playfully. “See who this lucky girl is, hm?”</p><p> </p><p>He gently swats her leg away, “Nah, I’m the lucky one.” He nods and smiles dreamily at the thought of his girlfriend.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh <em> lorde </em>.” Ellie lays down horizontally on his bed, which was still covered in navy blue sporty sheets, “Okay, so tell me more about this ‘Miss Annie that makes me feel so lucky’ girl.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Even though she was relentlessly smacked in the face with the spirit of Christmas, she couldn’t help but dread the inevitable meeting of her former pastor’s daughter. </p><p> </p><p>Was dread even the right wording? Probably not. But just the thought crossing her mind made her heart flutter and her stomach twist uncomfortably.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, she was questioning the brown haired girl’s whereabouts the moment she set foot into Trig’s luxurious house. Was she even back in town? Does she know about this party despite breaking off her engagement with Trig? If so, would she even want to show up? Trig probably couldn’t care less, he was dating this girl Rachel now, and his parents had gone away to their friends gathering.  </p><p> </p><p>Every time she caught a glimpse of a girl with brown, curly hair, her eyes would linger, anxiously against her will, until it gave her the all clear.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t believe she had forgotten it, and it was probably the only time she <em> hadn’t </em>thought about it, she was so caught up in the moment of reuniting with Ba and Paul that she had forgotten all about it. </p><p> </p><p>And she didn’t even have a chance to ask Paul if he knew anything, they were bombarded right away by Paul’s friends and her previous acquaintances. And Annie probably didn’t know much about her. The girl lives in another town away. </p><p> </p><p>She was hit with an array of questions from friends and strangers. Everyone was so interested in her new life outside the quaint little town, trying to vicariously live through her storytelling and details. Hoping that they could conjure up the same amount of courage as she did to leave Squahamish.</p><p> </p><p>“Awww yeah, ladies and gents, <em> Ellie Chu </em> is in the house!” Trig bellows as he manages to spot her and Paul. A roar of drunken hoots and hollering comes from further inside as Trig lifts his cup in the air with his prideful announcement. </p><p> </p><p>She highly doubts that anyone there was actually excited for her, they were so drunk that if Trig dumped his beer on someone, they would probably cheer for that too. </p><p> </p><p>“Let <em> loose </em>, Ellie Chu! Mi casa es su casa!” he roughly pats her back as she tries to escape the whole debacle. </p><p> </p><p>At some point, they end up huddled in a circle with the same group of individuals she met a couple of months back. Still hanging out at the top of the stairs, starting another round of their usual drinking games. But Ellie couldn’t stop her eyes from darting around randomly, occasionally. </p><p> </p><p>When she turns back around to analyze the dealt cards in her hands, Annie reaches over and pokes her knee, a concerning look worn on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you expecting someone?” Annie notices how distracted Ellie has been. It seemed like the chinese girl had something on her mind, a <em> lot </em> on her mind, like it wouldn’t stop pestering her brain. Maybe there was someone here she wouldn’t like to see. And Annie has grown to like Paul’s chinese friend a lot, she was funny, intelligent, sarcastic, and most of all, she was there for Paul during his difficult times. She even selflessly sent letters to food critics on Paul’s behalf, which Paul insists that she does not bring it up, because Ellie still didn’t know that he found out by going through her things. </p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” Ellie replies a bit too quickly with the shake of her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, just let us know when you want to leave.” Annie gives her a weird look but nonetheless, she goes back to normal and she pours herself some more while Paul watches warily. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie anxiously gulps down some more beer to calm her nerves. Then she was the one to receive Paul’s scrutiny. </p><p> </p><p><em> Monitoring </em>, she mouths to him with a pointed look.</p><p> </p><p>He nods but his eyes stated otherwise, not quite believing it. </p><p> </p><p>She was so busy keeping watch she didn’t drink all that much yet. Maybe she did need to loosen up a bit. Ellie studies the scene around her, the upper and lower floors, recognizing some of the old faces while curiosity sparks when she sees new ones. </p><p> </p><p>Well, it has been a long time, six months to be exact, since she left the comfort of Squahamish to pursue her dreams of becoming a writer/editor. It was normal to feel a disconnect from a town that she didn’t really fit into in the first place. Maybe that adds to her being antsy too.</p><p> </p><p>Well, if she isn’t here by now, she’s probably not going to show up. Now was the time to increase the alcohol in her system, to get the fun going. To let <em> loose </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie signals to Paul with a slight tilt of her empty cup and pitter-patters down the stairs with ease, heading to the kitchen for a refill at the booze center of the glamorous house. </p><p> </p><p>Once she makes it down by the end of the stairs, glorious wideset stairs that curl along the walls, the glass door creaks open and a girl tentatively enters, brown eyes peering around expectedly, braced for an encounter with a person, hopefully a person with a friendly face.</p><p> </p><p>Those same eyes made contact with hers, and even after all this time, they were still so lovely and so intoxicating as ever. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie freezes in her steps, like it was in tune with her brain. </p><p> </p><p>Aster shuts the door gently behind her with a click and turns back with her bright eyes, her cheeks rosy from the transition in temperature. A half grin comes out in wonderment, like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. </p><p> </p><p>First she slides off her grey gloves by the fingertips, then she shrugs off her thick, dark green winter coat, uncovering the sleeves of a heather grey fleece pullover. Then came off her beanie and scarf; all ending up in a pile stuffed in a cubby. Aster looks back up at her, blinking expectedly, waiting with a warm smile.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Ellie’s face held a blank stare, petrified. </p><p> </p><p>Time stood still for what seemed like an eternity. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie breaks the still, straightens up her back, and strides, in a way she thought looked casual, robotically to the nearest bathroom. Thankfully there was one right underneath the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>She closes the door with her back and leans into it, the gravity of the situation now settling in. </p><p> </p><p>Her eyes widened in horror, realizing what she just did. What if Aster wanted to say hi? Great. Now she looks like the asshole that just ignored her in plain sight and walked away without a care. </p><p> </p><p>What her body thought seemed like a good idea now transformed into a train wreck in her mind. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s heart flutters again. Those eyes. <em> Her </em> eyes. Eyes that bore right into hers, eyes that stare so deeply, eyes that want to get to know her <em> more </em> , find out <em> more </em> about her. Ellie was used to being invisible, she wasn’t used to being so.. <em> seen </em> . <em> Feeling </em> so seen. She has never been looked at that way until she met Aster Flores. It was almost threatening, she felt so vulnerable everytime Aster laid her eyes on her, stripping off her layers one by one.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands try to squeeze around something but they come up empty. Wait what happened to her cup? Ellie’s eyes flicker around the small marble bathroom. Welp. There goes that excuse.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she could say she didn’t see her? Nope. The only way Aster would believe that lie was if she was blind.</p><p> </p><p>Okay… Okay. This is salvageable. </p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, takes off her glasses, and splashes some water on her face in hopes of smacking herself out of her dumbfoundedness. Afterwards, she pats her face awake and she fixes the hairs that always seem to escape. ‘Look alive, Ellie Chu, look alive.’ She gives herself a mental pep talk to prepare herself. </p><p> </p><p>‘Ellie Chu. You. Are a superstar... A chinese superstar. Stop that. Be serious. Okay you got this. You have gotten straight A’s your entire life. What’s so hard about stringing a few words together in front of a girl? You’ve done it your whole life for other people for money.’</p><p> </p><p>She looks up into the mirror’s reflection. The face that was staring back at her was not a comforting sight at all, it was horror stricken with an embarrassed one.</p><p> </p><p>Well, it’s not the first time Aster saw her being a blubbering mess. And it has been a <em> really </em> long time since they’ve seen each other. </p><p> </p><p>For what was probably the 500th time, Ellie wonders if Aster ever thought about that kiss again. She wonders what Aster felt like after that, did she regret it? Did she.. Like it? Did Aster ever want to write to her but couldn’t? Like she did? Ellie spent countless nights daydreaming and reminiscing about the few memories they made together in the short span of time they had together. </p><p> </p><p>‘Just get back out there and see what happens.’ She rolls her shoulders and wills herself to ‘get back out there’. </p><p> </p><p>Her heart almost leapt out of her chest when she opened the door, only to find Aster there, waiting for her with that same dreamy smile. </p><p> </p><p>She shut the door. Again. And just like that she felt the quicksand underneath her paralyze her limbs and start to swallow her alive and whole. And if she could she would let it, it seems like a good alternative right about now. </p><p> </p><p>The train wreck was transforming into a nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, that was purely out of panic.. But what did Aster expect? Ambushing her like that? That they would finally greet each other properly? That they could say hi and catch up on each other’s lives? That they wo- Okay, yeah that seems reasonable. </p><p> </p><p>When she pulls the door back open slowly, she peeks through the crack. Aster looks far from gracious this time, she looks impatient.. And understandably, upset. </p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, Ellie? Are you avoiding me?” Aster accuses, throwing a glare through the crack.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Ellie answers simply, with a nonchalant pout.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Maybe. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>With a disappointed look, Aster hands over an empty cup. “You dropped your cup.” she states flatly.</p><p> </p><p>Oh. There it was. She opens the door fully to accept it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Thanks.” Their fingers brush subtly, that ever so slight graze spread like wildfire on her skin. Her heart starts thrashing about, rebelling and jumping for safety. </p><p> </p><p>Aster pauses for a beat before pulling back her hand to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you not want to see me?” she whispers sadly, eyes flickering to their sides, not looking deeply into Ellie’s anymore, worried that she might find a look that confirms her suspicion.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Aster </em>. Of course not. I always want to see you.” she replies a little too earnestly with a shrug, her head tilts slightly, like a puppy. “I’m just being… I don’t know. I was just being weird. And awkward. And I didn’t expect to see you here. And you’re still so beautiful. And breathtaking. All the oxygen in my brain got sucked out and its being stupid.” she rambles. </p><p> </p><p>Aster bites her lip and blushes, and then she smiles affectionately at the cute chinese girl. Oh how she misses hearing Ellie’s voice. That deep rich, velvety voice. And that weird social anxiety thing she does, reminding her of their first encounter, an introduction that she found so very adorable. “Watch it there, Romeo.” she warns playfully.</p><p> </p><p>Looking way too pleased for a girl that just got a door shut in her face a minute prior, she saunters right into the bathroom toward the asian girl that was stumbling backwards, obviously thrown off guard. </p><p> </p><p><em> Oh. </em> The realization crashes into Ellie like a honking, garbage truck. Ellie couldn’t believe how thoughtless she was being, of course Aster’s here because she’s in a <em> bathroom </em> . She probably needs to use it. She scolds herself internally. ‘ <em> The world doesn’t revolve around you, Ellie.’ </em></p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Do you need to use the r-”</p><p> </p><p>“Stay.” Aster commands while closing the door, entrapping Ellie in there with her. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay”, she obeys immediately. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie ties her hands behind her back, awaiting further instructions. Her cup is still in one hand, supported by the bottom of it. </p><p> </p><p>She starts swaying her hips side to side nervously, stealing glances at the beautiful hispanic girl that paced around slowly, aimlessly, with her boots clacking on the cool tiles like a ticking time bomb.</p><p> </p><p>Aster takes in the bathroom to stall time and to chew on what she wants to say next. Then double takes at what was above them. </p><p> </p><p>She rolls her eyes. Of course Trig still did that silly thing. Well, now it didn’t seem so silly, it seems perfect. She was actually pleasantly surprised. A little grateful, even. <em> Very </em> grateful that their initial conversation would be accompanied by some privacy as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Hm. I don’t believe it’s been a <em> couple </em> of years yet.” she decides, narrowing her eyes over playfully. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, that seems to ease Ellie’s frigid stance, and a corner of her lip pulls into a half smile. “Oh right, I should go then. Let you figure things out.” she pretends to start for the exit.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t even think about it.” Aster’s smile changes to an angry pout, matching Ellie’s step to block it, her T zone creased in annoyance. <em> Don’t you dare take another step forward, Ellie Chu.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Ellie steps back while trying to clamp down her smile that was forming. The humor helps her break through her lack of confidence, and her brain is now gaining more strength and momentum, “How’s your journey into self enlightenment?” she asks jokingly. </p><p> </p><p>Aster frowns thoughtfully, “Good.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster gives a pointed look, “Turns out I am kind of different. Pretty nice you know, actually, <em> being </em> different.” she brags exaggeratedly, trying to disprove Ellie’s previous point. “I’m getting closer to being sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie amusingly nods along with Aster, raising an eyebrow, “Oh yeah? Already?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yep!” Aster slightly pops her enunciation along with her brows, her stance not backing down, her chin held taut in defiance. She folds her arms across her chest. “I’m <em> very </em> different now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. I believe it.” <em> Ellie didn’t. </em> Then she adds, “Well that didn’t take very long.” <em> It hadn’t been a couple of years at all.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“I am!”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie pretends to be impressed, nodding her head in mock approval. </p><p> </p><p>“So you don’t want, let’s say, dog emojis? <em> Sausage </em> emojis?”</p><p> </p><p>Aster rolls her eyes and deadpans to her. “What an astute observation, Ellie. As always.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster looked the same, physically. </p><p> </p><p>Although, something <em> was </em> different, a different energy. Ellie was curious about what art she had created over the past few months, what project she was working on now, and what book she’s reading recently… If she ever crosses her mind.  </p><p> </p><p>Ellie, however, on the other hand.. Did look different.</p><p> </p><p>Aster admires the medium sized midnight bomber jacket on Ellie, her eyes wander over her new features. Ellie’s usual ponytail was gone, replaced with an edgy, cute hairstyle that was cut just past her shoulders, and there were waves woven into them. Her old glasses are now replaced with round, black rimmed ones, with its nose bridge fitting snug on hers. She recognized those jeans though, jeans that were always adorably cuffed, this time only on one ankle, haphazardly, like she was in a hurry to get ready. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie set her cup aside on the sink counter and took off her bright orange beanie, feeling self conscious. Her heart beats anxiously as she feels Aster’ eyes scanning on her body. She holds her lips in concentration between her teeth and pulls the thick beanie over Aster’ head, pulling it down until it covers her line of sight. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Aster yelps in response and giggles, she sloppily pushes it up above her eyes, glancing up at Ellie’s friendly smile. </p><p> </p><p>Aster swore she could feel the magnetic energy pulsing between them, drawing her forward. She couldn’t help her heels from inching closer and closer, no matter how much she pauses and digs them in. They were about a foot away from each other when she got the beanie off. She feels the cozy yarn between her fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened to your beanie?” she points out, chuckling at the frayed hole near the bottom seams, which looked.. Rather fresh and crispy, a little darkened. </p><p> </p><p>“Hm?” Ellie looks downcast questioningly, “Oh. Roommate. One of them. Long story.” she supplies, shaking her own head at how ridiculous that whole thing was, recalling how Alexis almost burnt their entire apartment complex down, attempting to bake laced brownies. How she saw her life flashing before her eyes when she saw their kitchen up in flames.</p><p> </p><p>“You have roommates?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. I’m a starving artist now. You gotta do what you gotta do.”</p><p> </p><p>They share an endearing smile. Aster really missed Ellie’s unique and quirky sense of humor, it was rare to find someone like that. Not that she was looking, or that anything can replace Ellie really. </p><p> </p><p>“That makes the two of us.”</p><p> </p><p>When Ellie grabs the beanie back and tucks it into the back pocket of her old blue jeans, Aster fights the urge to just hug her and stuff her hands in there as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh right! I, uh.. I hope you don’t mind. I asked Paul how you were doing, he said you moved out. How’s art school?”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” She gives a generic answer. Aster feels short-winded, her mind was having trouble registering just how <em> real </em> Ellie was. She wants to just.. If she could just.. Touch her cheeks. Just to make sure that it wasn’t all part of some dream. That it was all real. Her heart felt elated, content with hearing that Ellie had thought about her too. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s gre- I mean! Really good! I don’t know. I didn’t even say congratulations! Congratulations!! I’m so happy for you, you deserve it.” Ellie exhales and runs a hand through her beautiful silky hair, “You’re amazi- I mean! <em> That’s </em> amazing. You must be having a <em> blast </em>. College life is just so much mo-” </p><p> </p><p>“No.” Aster intercepts.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie halts and blinks in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not. It’s.. lonely.” Aster says with a heavy heart, while retaining eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie just stands there, looking utterly confused and heartbroken. </p><p> </p><p>“Not much of a blast if it’s only thirty minutes away from Squahamish.” Aster gives a humorless chuckle. “But I do get the paint every now and then?”</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, Ellie’s hands come up to grab Aster’s upper arms, arms that were folded together protectively, to comfort her. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Aster..”</p><p> </p><p>There was so much to say, so many questions, Aster didn’t know where to start. So she decides to take in a deep breath, finding comfort in the scent of fruitiness that always emanated from Ellie. </p><p> </p><p>Then her mind gears toward that one thing and that one thing only. </p><p> </p><p>Aster points up with her eyes, getting Ellie to follow along and notice the mistletoe dangling nicely up above on a metal hook. Ellie returns her look with slightly widened eyes, blushing fiercely. </p><p> </p><p>Aster waits for Ellie’s approval. Or some sign that she didn’t want to, if she was single or if she was taken. If this was okay or not. Especially with the status of their relationship, held suspended with so much uncertainty, in the air. Cloudy. Unpredictable. Unforeseeable. </p><p> </p><p>But Ellie didn’t really get the full silent message, she just nods dumbly. </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s hand reaches behind her back to feel for the doorknob, making sure that it was securely locked. Then she looks at Ellie’s lips with alluring, barely repressed, yearning eyes. Eyes flickering between hers and her lips. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie could feel her heartbeat in her throat, she narrows her eyes suspiciously, not really sure where this was heading, or of what Aster’s full intention was. </p><p> </p><p>Regardless, she was down for the ride no matter what laid ahead, Aster could take her anywhere, like how she just blindly got into a car with her (someone that was practically a stranger with a familiar face) before she knew that they were going to a hot spring. Well, could anyone blame her? Aster could get her to do anything really. Get a cupid tattoo on her butt? Well, if that’s what Aster truly wanted in her beautiful, wonderful soul.</p><p> </p><p>Aster bit down on her thumbnail, her heart pounding so hard that she couldn’t seem to catch her breath. She leans in, but then retreats. Then shakes her arms out as if that could shake out her nerves as well.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands come up to frame Ellie’s face, but then pauses an inch away. She backs down again, with fingers running down her own lips and off her chin. </p><p> </p><p>Aster clears her throat and runs her clammy hands down her sweater nervously. She’s dreamt of this scenario so many times, imagined it so <em> many </em> times, but the kiss didn’t go like this. Never like this. Her body was giving out on her in ways she didn’t anticipate. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie just smirks down fondly, it is quite entertaining to watch Aster Flores,<em> the</em> <em>perfect </em>Aster Flores, squirm and fluster for once. Again, it was just another one of those rare moments when she didn’t seem so perfect. Intently, Ellie stores that image away in the back of her head for later. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to do it or not?” Ellie baits playfully, her mouth curved in amusement. </p><p> </p><p>“Just! Can you not be a smart butt for once?” Aster pleads in a hush. She clears her throat again and tucks her hair behind both ears before readying herself again. She’s never done anything like this. Kiss a girl. But when Ellie kissed her in the middle of the street, that was all she could ever think about since then. She squints with determination, eyes staring in concentration, like a course that had been set to sail, unwavering in its destination. </p><p> </p><p>Aster taps a heel nervously, revving herself up. </p><p> </p><p>Now, it was her turn to come in with a force to be reckoned with. She pulls Ellie in for a soft yet firm kiss, a kiss that took both of their breaths away, her hands desperately wanting to explore the heat against her fingers, but she restrains them. Some intertwines into the nape of her neck, reveling in the way Ellie started kissing her back. </p><p> </p><p>Now it was Aster that broke off the kiss, leaving Ellie in a foggy haze, leaving her in a gentle, blissful laughing state.</p><p> </p><p>They both look at each other, exchanging erratic breaths, giggling softly together. Aster’s arms came up to hook around the back of Ellie’s neck, then pulled her head so that she could rest her forehead against hers. Ellie’s hands rested dutifully on her hips. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s brain was pleasantly fuzzy, almost lightheaded from her racing heart, drunken from the softest lips that were just connected to hers. It seems like she doesn’t need that booze all that much anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Merry Christmas Eve, Aster Flores.” she breathes near Aster’s nose.</p><p> </p><p>Aster lets herself feel the warmth from Ellie’s hot breath and closes her eyes for her senses to hone in on the heat radiating from Ellie’s body. She craved this for so long and it was all finally coming to fruition.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie lifts her chin to place a gentle kiss on Aster’s forehead and pulls her in for a hug, like when she was five and she found her favorite long lost stuffed teddy bear. </p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Aster’s chin finds its comfy place to rest on Ellie’s shoulder. “Merry Christmas Eve, Ellie Chu. And welcome home.”</p><p> </p><p>They stayed like that for a while, with Aster humming in content as Ellie brushed her brown hair with her fingers. </p><p> </p><p>“...So, how are you? Like really, how are you doing? Don’t just tell me you’re good again.”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart sighs from the way Ellie’s desirable voice, the way it reverberates in a low tone so dearly to her ear, stirred a deep rumbling in her belly. Aster begins to pull away, her arms sliding down Ellie’s, never breaking contact, to hold their hands together. </p><p> </p><p>But Aster didn’t want to spend this time catching up, especially with uncertainty still looming so heavily in the air around them. After their last conversation, Ellie had just dropped off the face of earth without so much as leaving her with any means of contacting her. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” she blurts aloud, bluntly averting the question. It was like deja vu, like when she had asked Ellie if she wanted to go somewhere with her again, to take her to her favorite secret location. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie snorts, “What?”, her eyes were darting side to side, confused by the abrupt change in subject. “Don’t you have family in town for Christmas?” </p><p> </p><p>Granted, she didn’t know a lot about Aster but they <em> have </em> known each other for four years, and unfortunately, gossip travels fast in a small town like Squahamish. She knew Aster’s family was big on religious holidays and excursions. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll find some excuse? I just have to be there for when they open presents.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.. nhn. you should hang out with them. Your parents would be furious if you were ditching your family for <em> me </em>.” she huffs a humorless laugh when she refers to herself. </p><p> </p><p>Aster emphasizes incredulously, “Yeah, but it’s <em> you </em>.” she reaches her hands up to cup Ellie’s cheeks, her thumbs caressing the soft warm skin it finds. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie melts at those affectionate words and leans into her soft touch, “No. I couldn’t keep you away from them on Christmas.”</p><p> </p><p>“...I miss you.” it even surprises Aster when that confession hung on her mouth. But if Ellie can be so bold as to tell her that she’s beautiful, as to even kissing her in the middle of the street in broad daylight, then she could be too.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie replies breathlessly, “I missed you too.” her eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise. </p><p> </p><p>“What about tonight? We could leave now! I drove myself here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t.. I’m hanging out with Paul and.. I told him I’d get to know his girlfriend. It’s my first time meeting her so..” Ellie hopes Aster would understand.</p><p> </p><p>Aster robotically nods and drops her hands, looking crestfallen. Were they going to part ways for the second time? It has been a long time. Maybe Ellie’s had a change of heart, her feelings thinned out over time spent apart. Maybe she didn’t want to hang out and she was using Paul as an excuse to let her down easy. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe… She didn’t want to be friends at all.</p><p> </p><p>Sensing her doubts, Ellie quickly interjects her thoughts, “Hey, we can hang out the day after. I’m not leaving until the fourth of January.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster grins as widely as her cheeks would let her, “Give me your phone.” she demands playfully.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie looks flabbergasted as Aster steals Ellie’s phone from her puffy jacket’s pocket in order to exchange numbers, in order to get Ellie’s <em> real </em>contact information, not even waiting for Ellie to answer that.</p><p> </p><p>The last thing she wanted to do was communicate through <em> SmithCorona </em> again. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aster: Hi<br/>Ellie: *Runs away*</p><p> </p><p>In the words of Ellie Chu,<br/>You want a love story? I’ll write you a love story.<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>(For me as well bc I need to see this happen)</p><p>PS: Also great thank you to Alice Wu, our asian lord n' saviour, lesbian jesus. For gracing us with not only only one iconic LGBT movie but TWO: Saving Face AND the half of it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ellie spends a lovely Christmas with her father, Paul, and the Munsky's.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> The morning of Christmas - Ellie’s group thread </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b>MissMacy0916:</b> Merry Christmas everyone!! 🎄🎁<b>🎉🎉</b>!! May everyone have a blessed day! I love and cherish you all. 💛 </p><p><b>V-RiceBowl:</b> 🎄<b>😬</b></p><p><b>BookKeeperChu:</b> Merry Christmas guys!</p><p><b>BadBaeLexi:</b> Merry Christmas Bitches!!!</p><p><b>MissMacy0916: </b>😑</p><p><b>BadGrlLexi: </b>Oh right, my bad. Merry Christmas, Lady Macy!</p><p><b>MissMacy0916: </b> <b>😊</b></p><p><b>BadBaeLexi:</b> and to my side bitches too!! </p><p><b>MissMacy0916: </b>😑</p><p><b>V-RiceBowl: </b>🙃</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Wow.. Um, xie xie, Ba.” she gulps hard as she lifts the horribly tacky and green Christmas sweater from its box, trying with all her mightiest to keep her face as straight and relaxed as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Paul and Ellie decided to spend the quiet afternoon of Christmas unwrapping their presents with her father. Then soon afterwards, she would go over to his place for dinner and participate in a game of white elephant with his family.</p><p> </p><p>“I love it!!” he exclaims to much of her father’s satisfaction. Paul is already weaseling his gigantic head through the neck hole of his red matching one. Now they had matching ugly Christmas sweaters for all of Squahamish to see. </p><p> </p><p>Her father lets out a charming, boastful laugh and claps his hands together, in absolute delight. </p><p> </p><p>Well, it was the effort that counts right? If anything, Paul had taught her that. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie wills herself to pull on the Christmas sweater, knitted with corny rows of cartoon snowmen on its chest, over her baseball tee. She offers her father, who was sitting next to her in their big triangle, what she hopes is a thankful and pleased grin. </p><p> </p><p>“Huuuuh?”, Paul leans in towards her. His index finger flickers back and forth between their sweaters, his worn proudly and barely containing the over joyfulness flowing through him, as he motions in indication of how they were matching; like she can’t already see this for herself, “Huuuuh?! How cute is that.” he grins and pops his thick brows.</p><p> </p><p>“I <em> love </em> it, Ba. This is the best thing ever!”, she says with exaggerated pep in her tone, determined to not let a single drop of embarrassment seep through. <em> Now was that too much? Her voice sounded a little bit higher than normal, was it too high? Did anyone notice? It is obvious that she didn’t like it? </em> </p><p> </p><p>Then Paul wreaks havoc on the next box. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooohhh.. Are those.. Those are..” <em> Yep. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Light up Rudolph’s red noses! Cool!”</p><p> </p><p>“And.. reindeer antlers to go with it as well…!” </p><p> </p><p>Edwin nods eagerly.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoaa, Ba, you shouldn’t have.. ” Her face was on the verge of cracking from trying to hold back all of her inside commentaries, sarcastic humor, and thoughts about how ridiculously overboard this all was. </p><p> </p><p>While observing her father’s contentment, she then starts thinking about the past. Their past. About just how <em> long </em> it’s been since she’s seen her father this way. It has been too long to even remember. Sometimes she wishes she couldn’t notice such trivial things. She’s never seen him like this since... Well, since her mother passed away. Since his <em> wife </em> passed away. </p><p> </p><p>Grief, a part of life, the inevitable. It was something <em> nobody </em> wants to face in their lifetime, something she <em> wishes </em> no one ever had to endure. They come in like tsunami waves, and then eventually die out into smaller, more manageable currents. It could take months or it could take years, she has learned. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie wishes someone had sat her thirteen year old self down and told her that at some point, her feet would find solid ground, and through perseverance, her head will be able to stay above the surface. And then hopefully, a friendly face can throw out a lifeguard tube for her to catch. Or better yet, she’ll find a boat to give her a ride back from being lost out at sea. </p><p> </p><p>It was a beautiful process, and she was glad to have been able to witness this from her father. She never thought in a million years this day would come. But as she watches Paul reeling in her father back, reeling him back in with his undying empathy, love, and open heartedness. She could almost cry.</p><p> </p><p>...And now she knows why there was this absurd generalization that men shouldn’t do the clothes shopping for women. Why Ma insisted he should let her do the clothes shopping for Ellie. She recalls the bittersweet times she’d overheard them bickering in a hush in their old kitchen. Her lips almost smile, twitching upwards. </p><p> </p><p>On the other hand, Paul was ecstatic to get such a heartwarming gift from Ellie’s dad. Of course, coming from a big family, he was on the receiving end of these kinds of clothes from his family all the time. But this is the first gift he had ever gotten from Mr. Chu, and it was a touching one at that, a gift <em> personally </em> picked from his best friend’s <em> father </em>. He was beyond thrilled. And he felt special and extremely appreciative. </p><p> </p><p>The man that barely talks to anyone in this small town, communicates with him on the daily. The man that barely eats anything other than his own chinese food, becomes his number one customer. The man that, even through his broken english, selflessly helped him perfect his taco sausage recipe. The man who helped raise this <em> amazing, caring, and smart </em> asian girl, who has now become his closest confidant for life. </p><p> </p><p>She is, without a doubt, <em> all three </em>. And a friend he never knew he needed. </p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Ellie just looks emotionless as she adjusts the antlers on her head. She frowns a bit when it starts itching. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to wear this <b>all </b>day. We’ll even send pictures, Mr. Chu!”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie shoots a glare at Paul, but immediately retracts and replaces it with a forceful, endearing smile when she notices her father turning her way with his presents in his hands. </p><p> </p><p>Edwin admires his expensive shaving kit from Ellie and his customized toolbox from Paul.</p><p> </p><p>“I see you make good money now.” her father winks at her. </p><p> </p><p>Paul gave her an impressed look, “Yeah, she works for Hallmark!” he unnecessarily brags for her. </p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, “I make a decent amount for a college student.”, and shrugs nonchalantly.</p><p> </p><p>“When are you going to treat me and Paul for dinner, hm?” </p><p> </p><p>They share another loud, obnoxious laugh while Ellie glances to the side in sarcasm. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes!”</p><p> </p><p>But then even she can’t contain her laugh when they start exchanging their signature handshake and pats on the shoulders. They were thanking each other for the gifts in what she thinks is such a lame, overly masculine way. </p><p> </p><p>“How does AYCE Korean BBQ sound? Sometime this week?”</p><p> </p><p>Her father turns with wide set eyes, astonished. And in that moment he felt touched, proud of her accomplishments and how far she’s come. Nothing can describe the feeling of watching his only child grow up so fast. If only his wife could see this with him, he thought. But Ellie would probably tell him that she was, she was watching from above. He wishes he could talk to her, tell her that Ellie was now buying him a <em> meal </em> with her first hard earned check from her first <em> job </em>. </p><p> </p><p>And then he thinks about whether or not she is spending it recklessly. He keeps in mind to have a conversation about financial details later. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m down! I’ll drive!” Paul claps with his hefty hands and raises fist pumps to the air.</p><p> </p><p>Her father tries and fails to imitate Paul’s groove, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed with deep concentration. He just looks like a dorky dad doing an 80’s dance. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s face held a look that was somewhere between grimacing and almost laughing. Then Paul starts teaching him how to fist pump properly. Now she was shielding her eyes with a hand, she couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Once they notify her of their arrival on the doorsteps, Aster opens the doorway to welcome her father’s side of the family into the house. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Uncle Flores, Auntie. Hey, Mercy” she greets politely.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, there’s my Aster!”</p><p> </p><p>“I swear you just keep getting more pretty!”</p><p> </p><p>“And taller!”</p><p> </p><p>Aster lets out a scripted laugh. They always did the same thing each time they visited. It was always some compliment about her looks. And each time, she didn’t feel an ounce of interest nor gratitude. It always just felt so.. wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“Your hair is so beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mercy you should wear your hair like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercy rolls her eyes to the back of her head and groans, loud. Impatiently, she storms away in a huff towards the usual guest room. </p><p> </p><p>Aster gives her a sympathetic look at her retreating form, her eyes silently trying to send over some message that she disagrees with what they just said, that could offer her cousin some sort of comfort. </p><p> </p><p>“Mercy!”</p><p> </p><p>“At least greet her, Mercy!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. That was rude of her.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve raised her to be better than that, really.”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s been so rebellious.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all those kids she hangs around with these days.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster clenches her jaws and fists.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope it’s completely fine.” she replies, her voice laced with an eerily calm tone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“What the hell is that?!” Tommy makes fun of the sloppily built snowman that Paul was working on, with his tongue sticking out. He was still grunting and heaving, in the process of packing more snow onto his lopsided snowman. </p><p> </p><p>The snowman had tomatoes squashed into its eye sockets and blueberries jabbed haphazardly into a smiling line. The red juices leaving the tomatoes were now intermixing with the ones leaking from some blueberries, leaving a horrifying wake in its path, like mascara running down the face of a girl in tears. Even the snowman’s nose seemed to lack effort, the orange carrot had started to droop down in its place in the poorly packed head. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s a snowman!” Paul retorts with a bite in his tone. </p><p> </p><p>“It looks like Jack the Ripper!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my goodness, Paul! What on earth?” Gabrielle adds. </p><p> </p><p>The other tall, lanky blond girl yelps and jumps back when she turns to look at what her siblings were gawking at, “Oh my god! Why’d you make it so scary looking?!” Lydia accuses, as if she was insulted by the pile of jagged snow.  </p><p> </p><p>“That snowman looks like it’s seen some shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“HAH! That’s <em> hideous </em>!” Charlie clutches his stomach in laughter, with Lonnie doing just the same, anchoring from his buckling abdomen with his arm on Charles’ shoulder, “Good thing you didn’t bring Annie!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Is this why you didn’t bring her?!” Charlie laughs boisterously. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t bring her because you all will scare her off!” </p><p> </p><p>Amy waves a dismissive hand and calls out over her shoulder, “Never! We can behave!” </p><p> </p><p>“I bet she’s not even real guys.”</p><p> </p><p>Well, they really could scare Annie away, literally. They almost scared Ellie away. They were like a pack of animals. Ellie had, previously, agreed with Paul that it was indeed too early in their relationship for this kind of exposure. Too early to expose the poor girl to the pack of hyenas that were now presently cackling and feeding off of Paul’s diminished self esteem before them. They needed more time to prepare her. </p><p> </p><p>Dramatic, maybe? Yes. But they need to do what they need to do. Because Ellie could only wish now that someone had done that for her. It was now upon Ellie to pass the torch, the knowledge, onto Annie, for when the appropriate time comes. </p><p> </p><p>Paul pokes a hole in Ellie’s neatly formed snowwoman, then kicks a wave of snow towards her. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey! I didn’t say anything!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re laughing with them!”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie just laughs some more and lets her body freefall into the thick layer of snow with a soft thud. She attempts to make a snow angel in the ground but fails, the snow was too thick for her to move around much. </p><p> </p><p>“Kids, <em> language </em>. Don’t listen to them, I think it looks marvelous, my dear.” Mrs. Munsky applauds Paul. The single, dull clapping is cringe worthy. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Ma.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course she would.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ma, what about mine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course she likes it, she still keeps our drawings from 1st grade.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie struggles a bit to get up, but the snow has enveloped around her too heavily. She regrets freefalling with full force.</p><p> </p><p>Paul notices her and snickers, he saunters over and stops a foot away, to tower over her. Looking satisfied as if she may have won the battle, but he, on the other hand, won the war. </p><p> </p><p>“Help me up!” she grunts, annoyed with the smug look on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“Move aside loser!” </p><p> </p><p>Just as Paul begins to kneel down, someone shoves Paul aside and he grunts as he falls head first into the snow.</p><p> </p><p>George helps her get up by pulling her arm out, “<em> I </em> got you Ellie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” she brushes and shakes off the excess snow, kneels down, and forms a snowball as best she could with her thick snow gloves.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooooh Ellie you’re crossing over into dangerous territory.” George holds his arms up, thinking that Ellie was going to betray him.</p><p> </p><p>She aims and hits it right into Paul’s neck as he tries to get up. </p><p> </p><p>Paul’s head jerks up in shock, his eyes almost bulge out in fear. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie has no idea what she just started.</p><p> </p><p>“I SAW THAT! ELLIE THREW THE FIRST ONE! ELLIE THREW THE FIRST ONE!”</p><p> </p><p>“IT HAS BEGUNN!”</p><p> </p><p>“Kids-, NO! Sto-”</p><p> </p><p>“LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE!”</p><p> </p><p>“SNOWBALL FIGHTT!!!!!” Lonnie lets out a battle cry.</p><p> </p><p>Paul falls right back into the dent he made in the snow when he gets pummeled by five incoming snowballs that were coming from all different directions.</p><p> </p><p>George gives her a mischievous look. The ‘<em> sorry it’s just business, it’s not personal </em>’ kind of look. Ellie’s stomach sinks in a bit. He kneels down and gets right into forming his heavily packed business, grinning evilly as he makes his snowball artillery.</p><p> </p><p>“ELLIE! C'MERE! TAKE COVER!” Mary screams like bloody murder at her, waving her over to the already set snow made barrier over on the girl’s side.</p><p> </p><p>Frantically, Ellie makes a run for it towards her, her feet crunches sloppily, slushing against the dirty white snow. </p><p> </p><p>“You would think they’d stop this nonsense as they grow up, but no, it just gets <em> worse </em>.” she overhears Mrs. Munsky complaining in the distance. “These crazy antics..” her voice trails off as she retreats back to the farmhouse. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It all seemed.. just so superficial. She was so bored. </p><p> </p><p>Frankly, it was getting tiresome of putting up a facade in order to make her father look good. It was like with each minute, each week, each month, each <em> year </em> passing by, her energy just kept getting depleting little by little, from engaging in meaningless conversations with adults that obviously didn’t care all that much about her. Like <em> really </em> care, like the way…</p><p> </p><p>She sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Aster continues to play with her food, with her cheek resting on the top of her fist, while answering the same old boring questions from her mother’s side of the family. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “So, do you have a boyfriend?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “What? Why? What happened to Trig?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I broke it off.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Oh wow! Are you single now? I know this very nice boy. He likes art. He thinks your art is the best art of them all.” </em>
</p><p>Aster feigns interest. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Well the boy I already introduced to her thinks her art is good.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Well we’ll just have to see which one she likes more.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yes, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yes I guess we will.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Here comes that passive aggressiveness she didn’t miss at all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “We will.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “We will.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “That’s what I just said, Judy.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Multiple chairs screeching out across the floor cause the commotion in the dining hall to come to a stunning halt. The following silence was almost deafening. All eyes land on the end side of the dining table, where three bodies stand upright.</p><p> </p><p>“Mercy. Let us help you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lay your <em> fucking </em> hands off my daughter.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster had seen her father argue with his brother before, but she had never witnessed anything of this intensity. She had never heard Uncle Richard <em> curse </em> before. Mercy looks red in the face and visibly upset. She tries to yank her arm away from Deacon’s grip.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me, Richard?” he drops his grip suddenly, causing Mercy to stumble off balance to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“You heard me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am trying to save her.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Save me </em>.” Mercy scoffs quietly, shaking her head in disbelief and brushes off the ghost of Deacon’s touch.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah? And that’s why you couldn’t wait until we had some fucking privacy? You had to make a scene like this is some sort of divine intervention?”</p><p> </p><p>“There was no scene until your daughter <em> made </em> one. I was being quite discreet.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> I </em> made one? <em> Really? </em> Who brought this up in the middle of a <em> Christmas </em> gathering?” she counters.</p><p> </p><p>Her retorts fall onto deaf ears. The adults just ignore her, like she was just some pesky, troublesome teen. </p><p> </p><p>“That is such bullshit. You could’ve waited until after the dinner. After Christmas at least!” then he mutters under his breath, “<em> Self righteous prick </em> .” Mercy’s mother is now stroking her husband’s arm to sooth him. He spat out, “This is our <em> child </em>, Deacon. Not some poor soul you want to save in front of everybody to stroke your ego, to gain community points!”</p><p> </p><p>“Your daughter is a <em> homosexual </em> . This is <em> serious </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Some surprised gasps broke out.</p><p> </p><p>Even Mercy’s parents were taken aback. He dared to say it aloud in front of everyone. How embarrassing. Richard Flores regrets ever confiding in his brother about this at all. He should’ve known his brother would seize the opportunity to humiliate him and his family, in front of everyone and the church community. He began quaking with raging paranoia. </p><p> </p><p>And just by that one word, the floor was swept away from underneath her. Her father’s hispanic accent reverberates in her mind. <em> Homosexual. </em> Aster’s mind collapses inwards like a black vortex, she grips the table for more stability but she is still shaking, the extent of the situation takes her sanity away. </p><p> </p><p>“She has <em> impure </em> thoughts! She isn’t some drug addict!”</p><p> </p><p>Mercy shrugs sarcastically.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, in either situation, you must intervene as early as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“Deacon, <em> stop </em> . Not here, not during Christmas dinner.” her mother hisses. Aster’s mother looks furious. Livid with the fact that her selfish husband was doing something so rash, something they had <em> both </em> agreed on was best <em> not </em>to be brought up today. Her stupid husband was ruining the gathering she worked so hard to put together. </p><p> </p><p>“Nobody needs to know that our daughter is... Going through a phase.”</p><p> </p><p>“GAY! ‘Lezbe’ honest here! And you said you wouldn’t tell anyone! And now the whole family, -the whole church- knows! Are you happy now?! I hate you both! You’re both ruining my life! Ruining. My. Fucking. God Damn. Life!” Mercy roars with such vitriol, punctuating every word. </p><p> </p><p>“Mercy, <em> watch </em> your tone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mercy, please, we just wanted advice.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate you! And this patriarchal bullshit land! I hate you and you, your spoiled little brat of a child, and you! She’s just not that into you! Let it the fuck go! and you-” Mercy starts gunning off each one of them and then her finger lands on Aster. </p><p> </p><p>Aster freezes, her eyes can’t tear away from the fury in the girl’s eyes, no matter how piercing they were. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re cool! I guess?!” Mercy barks as she throws her hands up. She doesn’t have much to say about Aster, they barely talk. She actually pitied the girl, she was the daughter of this self serving asshole. </p><p> </p><p>Aster flinches, scared yet relieved, and lets out a shaky breath she didn’t know she was even holding back.</p><p> </p><p>Then Mercy continues her parade of hatefulness and rapid fire pointing, “And fuck you! And you Oh! <em> Especially </em> you! You sleep during <em> MASS </em> ! All. The. Time. And yes, <em> Nancy </em> ! Your casserole is shit! And for god’s sake! Nobody cares about your new boyfriend, Lucy! We all know you’re full of bullshit! It’s <em> okay </em> to be single for once!” </p><p> </p><p>And <b>you</b> . <em> Fuck </em> you!” she grits through clenched teeth at Deacon Flores. “You’re the worst of them all. You’re a fucking hypocrite! You are God’s <em> messenger </em> , <em> not </em> God himself. Get your head off your own dick!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mer-”</p><p> </p><p>Instead of backing down, she topples her voice over his, “You preach about love and kindness and patience but the religious community harbors some of the most unkind, thoughtless, and ruthless people I’ve ever had the <em> dis </em>pleasure of meeting. Thanks to you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay now, let’s no-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> I’m </em> not done.” Mercy sizes up to Deacon, “You’re so narrow minded and you’re not as great as you think you are. You’re <em> half </em> the man my father is, and that’s saying something since he’s a real pain in my ass. Because you know what? Nobody will have the guts to say this, but <em> I </em> do. My father would <em> never </em> allow me to marry someone that I didn’t even <em> love </em> . Just to feed his fucking <em> greedy </em> ass and church more money.” </p><p> </p><p>This revolutionary shutdown drew another round of sharp gasps around the table. There was a small faint, golf clap in the background, followed by a hush, and a spoon clatters on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“I love women, and Jesus still loves me! Despite what you say!” Mercy lets out half a derisive laugh, does a mic drop gesture, and spins off her heels while holding a middle finger up over her shoulder as she confidently marches away.</p><p> </p><p>Deacon’s face contorts, his lips visibly twitching, struggling to restrain his negative emotions that were rapidly arising. He shakes it off stubbornly and gives a rather petty, simple remark, “She is more lost than I thought.” </p><p> </p><p>And that’s when Richard finally loses his patience with his brother, his hands dart out to roughly grab him by his dog collar. Her mother already had tears welling up in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>And then all hell breaks loose.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “She’s a….a gay..” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Did you know?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “No! Did you know?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “No!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “This is all your fault!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “My fault! How was it my fault!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Alright fine she’s gay. She didn’t have to bring my casserole into this..” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “It’s okay, it’s not that bad.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “This is why you need a boyfriend, Aster. Here I’ll give you his number.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Let her breathe!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Aster are you alright?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Oh my goodness. I will pray for her.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Whatever that’s disgusting.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “If you ask me, she’s beyond saving.” </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Pass me the gravy!” she barks as loud as she could over the loud chattering. Lydia passes the saucer filled with Colleen’s delicious brown magic over.</p><p> </p><p>Through time passing by, Ellie could feel herself transforming into one of the Munsky’s now. She got to work straightaway, quickly forming her plate among the rest of the pack while passing dishes around with ease, and she also knew that she had to fix a plate with enough food to last her, lest there would be nothing left for her to even eat at all. Even Paul was moving faster than usual, filling his plate up with food faster than he could eat it. </p><p> </p><p>It was one of her favorite moments. When the family began taking their first bites, the sweet sounds of nothingness said everything there is to say about Mrs. Munksy’s feast. It’s the only thing that can manage to shut all the Munsky kids up at once. She savors the lull, the rest distracted with filling their own hungry bellies, and listens to the chewing noises and clinks of silverware. </p><p> </p><p>It was short lived though, it doesn’t take long before someone breaks the moment. “So. Are we playing White Elephant after this?”, Lonnie asks around a mouthful.</p><p> </p><p>“Yup.”</p><p> </p><p>“Remember to keep it down.” Mrs. Munsky warns.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Ma.”</p><p> </p><p>“Y’all are gonna poop your pants when you see what I’ve brought.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. Don’t tell me you brought an avocado again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I gotta change it up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh boy.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie was never one for presents, until she met Paul, she doesn’t think she’s ever given one. Of course, she has received them, but it was always either one or both of her parents taking her to a nearby town store and asking her to pick out her birthday gift for the year. Does that even count as experience?</p><p> </p><p>She discovers that it’s more than just buying whatever they wanted on their wish list. It was an act of genuine intent, of love, of <em> effort </em> . To show that they, in fact, cared for one another. That they were <em> understood </em>. And what’s even better than love, dare she say? Understandment. And the thought of the same girl, the hispanic girl that her mind always seemed to gravitate back to, puts a smile on her face. </p><p> </p><p>White Elephant made it a little less daunting, at least there were no real expectations there, anybody could receive her present, so whatever she brought wasn’t supposed to cater to a specific person’s needs. It was all just for fun and games, anyways. She couldn’t even imagine what it was like for Paul to buy presents for <em> eight </em> other siblings and not to mention, his parents. </p><p> </p><p>Chewing with his mouth still full, Paul asks for the saucer with a gesturing hand, with his fingers grasping over empty air, and without skipping a beat Ellie passes it over between the empty space.</p><p> </p><p>Some indistinct conversation begins out of earshot at the other end of the table. Then she feels Paul’s parents turning their attention towards her. </p><p> </p><p>“So, Ellie, how’s Grinnell?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s going great.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a relief to hear. Probably nice to spend some time outside of Squahamish, I bet.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie nods timidly and they share a lighthearted laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“And how’s your classes?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s going good. I wish Mrs. Geselschap was still teaching me though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! You are such a sweetheart. I saw her attending church last Sunday.”</p><p> </p><p>“How is she?”</p><p> </p><p>“She is doing lovely. She’s thinking of retiring though, you should visit her during break if you can.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie agrees, and then starts answering incoming questions from the kids that were interested in going to college. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, back in my day at Washington University-” Paul’s father starts his unsolicited advice and anecdotes.</p><p> </p><p>Some of the Munsky’s nearby immediately groaned upon hearing those recited words. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay you kids have already heard this, but now Ellie needs to hear this! Hush now and let your father speak.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you my darling. Now where was I? Anyways back in my day..-” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Mercy!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mercy?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mercy..”</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, she couldn’t keep up with Mercy any longer, the girl is quite the track runner, especially when she was mad. </p><p> </p><p>Aster doesn’t even know how she got out here, or where she even is now. These street lamps started to look unfamiliar.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh great. Good going, Aster.” She was forced to come to a slow, her legs had given up and her hands brace her knees just in case for added support. Aster finds herself winded on the dimly lit, salt covered street. Her lungs burn uncomfortably, and it hurts to breath through the irritated linings of her lungs, from inhaling the sharp cold air repeatedly. </p><p> </p><p>Out of breath, she pants heavily, and watches the condensed vapors leaving her mouth. She waits for her body to reach a comfortable level of homeostasis before she stands upright again. </p><p> </p><p>And what’s worse is, she realizes, is that she ended up alone in the middle of the street, in the dark, on a Christmas. While it’s drizzling snow. Her thoughts finally catch up to her and start encircling her brain like vultures flying around their weakened prey. </p><p> </p><p>Her knees gave out and crunch onto some leftover pile of snow as they fell, she was overcome by the sadness that started to emerge. Saddened by the fact that <em> nobody </em> had stood up for Mercy, <em> nobody </em> cared about how she felt, <em> nobody </em> cared about whether she was happy or not, and that <em> nobody </em> gave her the support she needed. </p><p> </p><p>Especially her father. The only thing he probably wanted to do was get rid of her ‘disease’. But how can love ever be.. wrong?</p><p> </p><p>Her mind goes numb with pain, and she feels like she’s losing her grip with reality. She starts breathing erratically, shuddering. Nobody would accept <em> her </em>, if it were to ever happen, if the day were to ever come for Aster. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t know how long she’d been sitting on her shins in the snow, crying. Until her body started stiffening up and shaking from hypothermia. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Shit.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She had half a mind to just give up, slump over, and let the cruel, cold winter eat her up. She’s never felt so disconnected from herself before. But why was this making her so sad? It wasn’t like this was happening to her, it was Mercy that had every right to cry about it, it was her sob story, not <em> hers </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Then there was a subtle crack, like someone had just stepped on a piece of branch. Instantly, she was snapped out of the midst of depressing thoughts and submerged into fearful ones. Her brain switched into survival mode. </p><p> </p><p>She sniffles and takes a look around to see what her next moves could be, and bites down against the freezing temperature, which was only dropping further along as the sun relented to its counterpart. </p><p> </p><p>Aster decides to follow the train tracks, hoping that it will lead her to what was supposedly her home. </p><p> </p><p><em> Home </em>. She wasn’t sure if that was even considered her home anymore. She doesn’t even feel like she belongs there anymore, like she should even step foot in it. Actually she doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere anymore. Because if that wasn’t her home, then what was? Nothing felt like home to her. </p><p> </p><p>She follows the snow covered tracks religiously. Occasionally some tears would glide down her chin, leaving ice cold trails down her cheeks along the way.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Paul walks Ellie back home and sees her off at the doorsteps.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, I’m so excited to play this. I can’t wait! Thank <em> you </em> Charlie.” Ellie gushes and holds her prized possession up, it was a wooden ukulele that she swiped from an unknowing Mary at the very last second. She playfully gives it a little air kiss. </p><p> </p><p>Paul chuckles softly. “Yeah, I was hoping you’d end up with it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie smiles up at her big teddy bear and hugs him farewell before unlocking her door.</p><p> </p><p>With the door still hanging open, she watches Paul’s retreating form for a moment, just to check if anything happens, before heading inside herself. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Ellie was in the middle of her midnight snack when the doorbell rang. A little suspicious, she grabs anything near her as a weapon, just in case. </p><p> </p><p>Tentatively, she opens the door and finds a jaw chattering Aster. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god! Aster!” she immediately widens the door fully and Aster hurries inside for warmth. </p><p> </p><p>“S-s-s-sorry.” she stutters.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t talk.” Ellie commands, she quickly tugs Aster inside, gasping in shock when her hands touch Aster’s. It was like holding ice cubes. She faces the heater to the shivering girl and turns it up on high. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie wraps her parka around Aster for an added layer of warmth and holds her as close as possible. </p><p> </p><p>Aster groans against Ellie’s neck, it was a painful transition in temperature, but Ellie was patient. She runs her hands up and down her back to create more friction, more heat. </p><p> </p><p>Aster swallows hard and sighs in relief as her body slowly, painfully, begins thawing out.</p><p> </p><p>She begins to feel some movement return to her hands again.</p><p> </p><p>“Good thing you still like to stay up late huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Aster.” Ellie shakes her head in disbelief, “Why are you so cold?! Were you out there for long? Are you okay?” There were many questions running through Ellie’s mind, but those three were the most prominent ones. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh.. Just, uhh. I, um.. went out for a walk. Didn’t think it’d be that cold.” she trips over her lie.</p><p> </p><p>Aster was a horrible liar. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re lucky my dad’s a heavy sleeper. Surprisingly he gets pretty grumpy if you disturb his sleep.” Ellie jokes. </p><p> </p><p>Aster takes one look at Ellie before she bursts out into a fit of laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie had a pink cotton headband with a huge fluffy bow in the front, she was adorned by a set of matching pink polka dotted cotton pajamas and she had a neatly placed korean face mask stuck on her face. Her glasses were adorably worn over her mask. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re so cute!”</p><p> </p><p>Taking a step back, Ellie makes an unimpressed face, which gets seven shades deeper, “Paul and my dad teamed up on this present.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a good one.” Aster reaches out and feels the fabric between her fingers. And although Aster was grazing her slightly, unfortunately, Aster couldn’t feel her abs that she knew were hiding under all those undershirts that were probably three layers deep.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that for?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?” Ellie sees Aster looking down at her hand and she glances down as well, bringing her hand up between them.</p><p> </p><p>It was a rubber spatula. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. In case you were a burglar or.. Something like that.” she replies simply.</p><p> </p><p>Aster snorts. “You’re going to what? Spatula them to death?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!”, Ellie can’t help but laugh along with her, “I can put up a mean fight with anything! I won’t go down easily you know, not without a fight.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie gestures the spatula in a zigzag formation in front of Aster’s face before jabbing it back into its previous spot in the IKEA canister, “Alright, okay, I can see you're all nice and warmed up now, Ms. Flores.” Ellie reaches over and gently pinches the snowflakes from Aster’s lashes. It was then Ellie felt that Aster’s face was still freezing cold. Ellie sets both of her hands over Aster’s cheeks to warm them up as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure you can..” Aster’s voice trails off.</p><p> </p><p>Aster drifts her eyelids down, sighs in relief and leans in towards her touch, and before Ellie can even take her hands back, Aster holds them down to secure her impromptu, personal cheek warmers in place.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to go get your scarf-”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“-Oh! o-okay alright yeah. This is cool too.” Right as those words left her mouth, Ellie internally scolds herself. ‘<em> Cool’, Ellie? Really? </em> What a complete oxymoron. Emphasis on the moron. </p><p> </p><p>Aster hums in content and they stay like that for several minutes.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey don’t go stealing too much of my warmth there.”, Ellie jokes playfully as she tries to suppress a witty smile.</p><p> </p><p>Aster laughs to herself, “It’s all <em> mine </em> , Ellie Chu. <em> Mine </em>.” she responds coyly. Typically she would be blushing by now, but she was too hyper focused on getting her face stabilized. She could feel her nose again. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie chuckles and accedes, “Alright then, take as much as you want.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s heart starts racing, thinking about how familiar this all felt. Like the moment just before Ellie crashed their lips together in the streets. </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s heart flutters at the first thought that pops into her head. She knew what she wanted, well, actually now it seemed much less of a want and much more of a <em> need </em>. But then she opens up her eyes and the Korean mask covered face held by black rimmed frames staring back breaks the moment. </p><p> </p><p>Then Aster breaks out laughing even harder this time.</p><p> </p><p>“What??”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t-! You’re just so <em> cute </em> ! Now <em> that </em> is silly.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie just rolls her eyes and smiles. “Hey you’d be impressed.” Reluctantly, she takes her hands back even with Aster’s added pressure against them. They both are disappointed from the loss of contact, especially Aster. </p><p> </p><p>“These things make my skin feel <em> so </em> good. You should try it, I’ll give you some.” Ellie pats her cheeks with subtle pride. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah..” Aster sighs, still stunned from the way Ellie touched her. </p><p> </p><p>“So, you just felt like walking here or something?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Before Aster could turn off her phone quickly enough, Ellies notices the 54 pop ups of missed phone calls and unanswered messages on Aster’s phone. Aster flips it over carelessly onto her bedside nightstand. </p><p> </p><p>“Um, are you sure you don’t want me to call Paul?” she asks tentatively. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure. My parents are fine.” Aster reassauges her worries, again. “Besides, It’s getting really late anyways, my parents are probably asleep, don’t want to bother them.”</p><p> </p><p><em> Bother them? About her whereabouts? </em>Ellie was much more confused now, but she gets the sense that Aster didn’t want to go on about it any further. </p><p> </p><p>The girl was already crawling into her bed and getting cozy, she made some room and pats the space she made for Ellie.</p><p> </p><p>“Um. I can sleep on the floor..”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be silly! That sounds terrible! Sleep right next to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, really it’s fine. I’m used to it. Used to sleep like that some nights back in China.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie. If you don’t sleep in your own bed, then I’ll happily volunteer to sleep on the floor.”</p><p> </p><p>The thought of having Aster sleep on that cold hard wooden floor almost offends Ellie. It was more than enough to waver her chivalry.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, fine. Let me get ready first.”</p><p> </p><p>As Ellie saunters off to the bathroom downstairs, Aster notices her guitar that was leaned upright against the foot of the bed. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After she washes her face, she picks up her pokemon toothbrush (that Edwin got for her) to squirt a perfect layer of paste along the bristles. </p><p> </p><p>Aster. Aster Flores is here. In her bed. Aster Flores was going to sleep overnight here. With her. She starts anxiously pacing around the tiny bathroom, running her fingers through her shoulder length hair.</p><p> </p><p>She brushes more vigorously as she realizes that the most beautiful girl in Squahamish, nay, in the world, was about to spend the entire night with her. She was going to get to see the way she slept. Okay reel it back creepo. They just so happen to have to share a bed, that’s it. Aster was also going to see <em> her </em> sleep. Oh no. Ellie silently hopes Aster doesn’t see her drooling at some point. Thankfully she didn’t snore like her dad did, which is one of the reasons why she built her bedroom up in the attic in the first place. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie doesn’t know if she can survive the night without having some kind of spaz attack. She abruptly stops and points her toothbrush at the determined girl in the mirror. You got this Ellie Chu, she repeats her favorite mirror mantra to herself. <em> Superstar. </em></p><p> </p><p>It’s just some girl.</p><p> </p><p>She taps her foot nervously and brushes her teeth absentmindedly, glancing around the bathroom, anywhere but at the mirror that showed her true self. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But it wasn’t just some girl. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Maybe, just maybe, it was just a phase.</p><p> </p><p>Hopefully?</p><p> </p><p>But that kiss..</p><p> </p><p>That kiss in front of the restaurant.. Aster feels for the ghost of that kiss on her lips. That kiss in the bathroom..</p><p> </p><p>It just felt so <em> right </em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “It’s a sin. You’re going to hell.” She overheard Paul saying.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Aster flinches and drops her fingers from her lips, swallowing thickly. It’s true. She would be condemned to hell for eternity. And she didn’t want that. Her parents would definitely not want that.</p><p> </p><p>But then Paul came around to accept her. Didn’t he? They’re still best friends, they’re definitely still talking.</p><p> </p><p>But she doesn’t have a Paul in her life. She doesn’t have an understanding father like Ellie did. She wouldn’t make it, and the reality was utterly jarring. </p><p> </p><p>She covers her face with her hands, trying to make sense of the ongoing war inside her head. There were teardrops sliding down and escaping onto Ellie's sweatpants that she let Aster borrow. She breaks out into broken sobs, quietly. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>Aster’s head shot up and spotted a very concerned Ellie standing about a foot away from her. </p><p> </p><p>Aster shakes her head no. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>It was a version of Aster, a version that nobody else gets to see. And Ellie caught her in her moment of weakness. She felt a bit ashamed, she was supposed to be the pastor’s perfect daughter. She wipes her tears away in a hurry and shakes it off. </p><p> </p><p>“Just so you know, I’m here if you do.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster nods and points out the guitar.</p><p> </p><p>“Um. You know how to play that?” she says through a hoarse whisper. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh right, you weren’t at the talent show.. Um, yeah I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“..Could you.. play something for me?”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie bit her lip timidly, she is weary from her extroverted activity filled day, and it is getting close to 2am, so she was getting very drowsy. Although she had already practiced earlier, the pout on Aster’s face was too much to bear. She wanted nothing more than to replace that pout with a smile, and even more so, she loved to be the reason behind that smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Anything-” Ellie nods and grunts as she puts on the strap and settles on the side of her bed, besides Aster’s knees, “-For <em> you </em>, Aster.” she adds softly with an intentful pointed look, a look saying that she didn’t usually do this, but she is willing to since Aster was… Well, Aster. That she was special to Ellie. She was extremely gratified with the rosy cheeks that she invoked from a flattered Aster.</p><p> </p><p>“Have something in mind?”, she does a strum to check if the strings were in tune. </p><p> </p><p>“No, not really. Just.. anything would be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“..Alright.”, Ellie hesitates to ponder for a few seconds. </p><p> </p><p>“There’s this cover I’ve been working on. I’m still just practicing though, and I just found it like last week. So I haven’t really perfected it yet, it’s still a work in progress-”, she rambles. Ellie was already making possible excuses before she’d even begun playing, her eyes didn’t show it but her fingers fidgeted nervously against the strings. </p><p> </p><p>As much as Aster loves to hear one of Ellie’s cute little ramblings, tonight just wasn’t the night for it.</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie.” Aster places a reassuring hand on Ellie’s shoulder before pleading softly, “Please play anything. I could use a distraction.” Aster’s fingers trail and linger down Ellie’s arm, sending goosebumps up Ellie’s neck. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She clears her throat quietly. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie begins strumming the guitar, and the sweet serenity fills the air in her peaceful, softly lit room:</p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “I walked across an empty land </em></p><p>
  <em> I knew the pathway like the back of my hand </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I felt the earth beneath my feet </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sat by the river, and it made me complete” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Aster was simply in awe. </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She was utterly mesmerized by Ellie.</p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “So tell me when you’re gonna let me in </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>By the light yellow glow emitting against her darkened silhouette. By the way her nimble fingers gently pluck to create this beautiful melody that she was so fortunate enough to witness. By the way Ellie sings one of her favorite songs in the world, paired along with her favorite, definitely most favorite, delicate set of vocal chords. </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “I came across a fallen tree </em></p><p>
  <em> I felt the branches of it looking at me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Is this the place we used to love? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>What she and Trig had, it wasn’t love. She realizes that now. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She never thought she could feel such complex emotions like these, and Ellie had caught her completely by surprise. Who knew that this girl who played the piano above her father’s altar for four years, could’ve shown her a whole different world, a different way of life she could live? </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “So tell me when you’re gonna let me in </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>… A ‘happy' one? She wasn’t sure exactly what it was. But she had a whole list of things to check off, and just when she was about to check off the last one, the marriage box, Ellie comes in and essentially rips it in half and tosses it away, and then replaces it with a blank colorful slate and marker. </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “And if you have a minute, why don't we go </em></p><p>
  <em> Talk about it somewhere only we know? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This could be the end of everything </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ellie felt like her beginning and she wanted it, oh so badly, for her to be the ending as well. </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “So why don't we go? </em></p><p>
  <em> Somewhere only we know </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Somewhere only we know...” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The image of their time spent in the hot springs flash across her mind, the place where they both connected on a deeper level for the first time. She didn’t think her favorite spot could get any more special to her. Ellie was the first and only she had ever brought to that secret location. </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Aster felt safe with Ellie, and understood as well. </p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “So tell me when you’re gonna let me in </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ellie was that spark of hope in Aster’s darkness, loneliness. </p><p> </p><p>That painting she drew…</p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “And if you have a minute, why don't we go </em></p><p>
  <em> Talk about it somewhere only we know? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This could be the end of everything </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ellie leaves a nice and warm and fuzzy feeling in her heart. She has definitely left a permanent mark on Aster.</p><p> </p><p><em> ♪ </em> <em> “So why don't we go? </em></p><p>
  <em> Somewhere only we know </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Somewhere only we know...” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“That was amazing, Ellie.” she remarks breathlessly.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie flashes another one of her breathtaking smiles at her.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie felt like.. Home.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, my mother played, she played the piano too.” Ellie adjusts her glasses and then takes off her guitar strap off her shoulders, “I suppose you could say she was the creative one in their marriage.”</p><p> </p><p>“She taught me all the notes once I could pick up a guitar. I just remember seeing her play, and it looked and sounded so beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to be like her. So, that’s how it all started.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is actually her guitar-” she turns to make eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>Aster was already fast asleep, with the corners of her lips curved up a tiny bit. She looked.. happy.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie raises her brows in surprise and then huffs a quiet laugh. She shakes her head and then carefully tiptoes over to her instrument case to set it inside gently, accidently twanging some strings as she did. She winces and double checks on Aster.</p><p> </p><p>Aster is still sound asleep.</p><p> </p><p>She takes in a deep breath, relieved that she can get some shut eye now. </p><p> </p><p>“Sweet dreams, Aster Flores.” she whispers. Ellie places a light kiss on her forehead and smiles fondly as she tucks her in with most of the blankets, before laying herself down into a straight position beside her. She holds her hands together on her chest, like a mummy, being careful to not invade Aster’s space.</p><p> </p><p>On most night’s, sleep generally seems to elude her frequently, but this night was not one of them. She succumbs to her exhaustion right into the next morning. And later she’ll learn that it'll be one of the best sleep she’s ever had. </p><p> </p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCHRBn2hoOk"> Ellie's cover song </a>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She awoken to the sounds of birds chirping outside of Ellie’s window. The rays of sunshine gleam in through the windows that were speckled with crusty spots. </p><p> </p><p>Aster smiles and stretches out on the comfy bed. Then her eyes pop open and she realizes where she had just slept overnight. She frantically looks around for Ellie and her stomach drops at the thought that Ellie had just left her there alone.</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie??” she yells a little louder. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, what do I do now?” she mutters. She tucks some bedhead hair out of her face and pouts.</p><p> </p><p>A few moments later, Ellie’s head pops in from the door frame. “Hey! Is something wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Ellie! Oh, um. Nothing. Just freaked out. Wrong bed and all, hah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh sorry. I thought you’d see the note I left.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster’s eyes follow Ellie’s finger trajectory and takes notice of the highlighted post-it note stuck to the pillow beside her. </p><p> </p><p><em> Hello. Good morning. Gonna make breakfast. </em>Followed by a sadly drawn sausage and a not so bad looking egg. </p><p> </p><p>Aster laughs at the sweet and thoughtful gesture. Ellie gives her a sheepish grin. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh and I left out a new toothbrush for you. So don’t use your fingers this time.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie disappears and then reappears, “Oh! And uh, my dad still buys.. Still buys cartoon brushes for me, he still thinks I like them so…”</p><p> </p><p>“Well. Hope you like pikachu?” she shrugs. Ellie rubs her neck and laughs. Even though she kept telling him that she’d outgrown that stuff, she found it quite nice actually. For him to remember such trivial things from her childhood. Her father seems to have selective memory though. He keeps buying the pokemon themed stuff but not any of that Miyazaki themed stuff she’d rather have. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine.” Aster chortles. That’s pretty stinkin adorable. </p><p> </p><p>“Also, come back up here, I’ll bring you breakfast in bed. Dad still doesn’t know you’re here yet so let me talk to him first. I’m sure he’ll be fine with it but I just don’t want to give him a heart attack. Not yet at least.” Ellie jokes.</p><p> </p><p>Aster nods her compliance with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie pats the wood twice like it’s a signal that she was leaving and then thumps back down the ladder, heading back to the quaint kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>Aster takes the post-it note and holds it dear to her heart. She laughs like a giddy teenager, falls back onto her cotton pillow, and squeezes her eyes shut.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie Chu was making her breakfast in bed.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie Chu was bringing her breakfast in bed.</p><p> </p><p>Then Aster frowns with realization.</p><p> </p><p>She hopes Ellie Chu is a good cook.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aster: *is completely swooned*<br/>Also Aster: Idk though. Idk what I'm ~feeling~.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ellie and Aster have been spending time together over winter break.<br/>and they attend Lonnie's New Year's Eve party together.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Whatcha got for me, heathen?”</p><p> </p><p>Leaning against the door of the booth, Ellie hands over her trade, as promised.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> 5 people you meet in heaven. </em> Huh, interesting choice, Ellie Chu.” Aster knocks on the hardcover and bobs her head, “I heard some good things about it.” She smiles to herself as the name rolls off her tongue, becoming more and more familiar with it, just the mention of Ellie’s name always beamed a ray of light through the dull cracks.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie grabs the book exchanged to her and turns it over, “Let’s see… Another Chuck Palahniuk?” </p><p> </p><p>Her fingers graze over the ominous letterings, “You sure love the dark and twisted ones.” </p><p> </p><p>“Those are the best.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie smirks and lays it down with a thump against the tiny wooden desk, “Well, thanks! I know what I’ll be reading tonight.” She offers a grateful smile before taking her seat in the train booth and shutting the door. Leaving Aster to stand outside awkwardly - again.</p><p> </p><p>She glances expectedly at Ellie with a slight pout. Just once, <em> once, </em> she wanted Ellie to ask her to stay and keep her company for the night, instead of the other way around. But that probably wasn’t going to happen, judging from the oblivious expression from behind her glasses. </p><p> </p><p>She kept hoping for Ellie to make some kind of move, or at least give her some kind of signal that she wanted to be kissed. It’s only been a few days, but it felt so painstakingly long, even with all the subtle flirting and frequent messaging and the quick stolen glances that she loved, -especially the ones when Ellie thinks she hasn’t noticed, but did, by the way- that they’ve been exchanging since that night. </p><p> </p><p>Aster knocks on the glass.</p><p> </p><p>Surprised, Ellie looks up from her book and props it open for her, “What? What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.. Um. Can I hang out with you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? It’s pretty cold.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that bad tonight. Besides, I’ll just steal your warmth again, heathen.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wha-”</p><p> </p><p>Aster was already encroaching into her space and making herself at home, squashing her sides into the booth with Ellie, and cornering the poor girl back into a blundering retreat. </p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, there’s no <em> room </em> here.” she makes sure to install a grumble in her tone to cover her lack of disappointment, coyly taking a seat on Ellie’s lap. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s arms instinctively branches around her as Aster adjusts sideways. </p><p> </p><p>“It's 9:00. Isn’t this coming train the last one?”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-you remember the schedule?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, last one right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p> </p><p>To be honest, there was a reason why Aster had chosen this specific time and place to meet up. And the flushed cheeks she earned from the flabbergasted girl was worth all the while. </p><p> </p><p>“So how was uh.. How was Korean BBQ?”</p><p> </p><p>“It-it wAS, it was good! Really good yeah.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie tries to not concentrate on how much warmth Aster brought in with her, how she was all pressed up against her body, how good it felt to hold her in her arms again. Like the morning she had brought her breakfast in bed, only to find a very discouraged looking artist lying haplessly on her bed, after her dreadful call with her mother. </p><p> </p><p>Aster notices Ellie scrunching her nose uncomfortably, and casually adjusts her black frames for her.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. How’s uh, how’s your family?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. It’s so awkward in the house. You can literally cut the tension with a butter knife. But at least I don’t have to be there until New Years. I can escape now.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sound really relieved.”</p><p> </p><p><em> “I am. </em> Especially when I get to hang out with you. <em> ”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Ellie laughs and holds her more confidently, warming Aster in all the right places, and Aster couldn’t help but hum in contentment. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie still couldn’t figure out whether this was just Aster being overly friendly or if there was actually something going on between them. Unfortunately, that was a frequent debacle, she’s seen too many girls being casually intimate around each other to tell the difference. She definitely wasn’t brazen enough to just strip naked with other girls around, even if they were the same sex. She witnessed this from Aster, girl’s locker rooms, and even her roommates. That idea still freaked her out a bit, with her coming from a more reserved upbringing and all. </p><p> </p><p>Not wanting to scare Aster away, she never dared to do anything that would make Aster uncomfortable. She didn’t want to mess up their friendship, she cherished their newfound friendship more than anything. She’d rather have Aster as a friend, than nothing at all. </p><p> </p><p>All she knew was that Aster was at the very least curious, or at least exploring the possibility. Because.. Well, because they have kissed before. And that second time, she wasn’t the one to initiate it. </p><p> </p><p>But in the end, that’s what Ellie decided to do, to just cherish the small moments she had with Aster. She was just glad that they were now in each other’s lives.</p><p> </p><p>She leans her head back and admires Aster’s beautiful, smooth skin, and the flutter of her lashes. </p><p> </p><p>“Would you watch a horror movie with me?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Ellie replies blatantly.</p><p> </p><p>Aster harrumphs, much to Ellie’s amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“Pleeeeease?” she whines. </p><p> </p><p>“Nope.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be watching it with me!”</p><p> </p><p>“How does that make it any better?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Because! <em> I’ll </em> be there to protect you. You can hold onto me when it gets too scary.” Aster smirks and glances over quickly, pinning her hands in her lap.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie takes a second to think about it, tempted by the thought of getting to spend some time alone with Aster. Even if it meant scarring her sanity, having nightmares for a couple of nights with heightened paranoia, she’d still get to hang out with her. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you too chicken?” she taunts, raising an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” Ellie huffs simply. </p><p> </p><p>Aster purses her lips and pouts.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright fine, I’ll watch.” </p><p> </p><p>This lifts her spirits and she claps her hands in excitement. </p><p> </p><p>“For you, Aster.”</p><p> </p><p>A million butterflies break out into a flurry inside her chest, and Aster bites back her smile, “Only for me?” she throws her fishing line abroad to reel in the response she wanted to hear again. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie takes a deep, relenting breath before answering, an expression clearly screaming otherwise, grimacing, “Yeah. For you.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a soft giggle.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie notices Aster’s lashes flickering down to her lips, and she gets that <em> look </em> again. Or so she thinks. Or maybe there’s something on her face and Aster couldn’t stop staring at it. </p><p> </p><p>She lowers her chin shyly, unable to hold Aster’s eye contact. </p><p> </p><p>“What? Is there something on my face?”</p><p> </p><p>And just as Aster begins to lean down, the blaring of the train blasts through the cold, crisp air, and awakens Aster from her trance. </p><p> </p><p>She peers over Ellie’s head and sees the lights flashing back at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I got it!” Aster eagerly grabs the lights and hops out.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie slowly trails along afterwards and leans back against the booth with hands in her pockets, watching Aster fondly as the girl enthusiastically waves the lamps for the engineer to see. </p><p> </p><p>As the train thunders off into the distance, Aster laughs breathlessly and throws her head back, gazing freely at the midnight blue sky. After a graceful twirl, she heads back over to Ellie and hands the lamps back over for her to store away. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll never get tired of that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll get sick of it after five years.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, just text me and I’ll come do it for free. For you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie scoffs softly, “Oh yeah? What’s in it for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I get to be the master of the universe, while you…”</p><p> </p><p>She jabs a thumb at herself, “Get to see me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie chuckles and shakes her head, “I’ll hold you to that offer, Aster. You can take the teeny tiny universe off my hands, <em> anytime </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you can even make me another Jianbing for breakfast again, if I come by in the mornings?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t push it, Flores.” </p><p> </p><p>They share a warm look between them, amongst the cold puffs of clouds leaving their breaths. </p><p> </p><p>Aster points with her pocket, “Do you wanna get outta here? Let’s get burgers. Or milkshakes. Or both!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Let me close up first.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster rushes to catch up with her retreating form and links her arm with hers.</p><p> </p><p>“It’ll be my treat.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I do <em> not </em> snore!” </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s jaw drops in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie fabricates an ‘unfortunately yes’ face. </p><p> </p><p>“And you grind your teeth.” she states around a mouthful.</p><p> </p><p>“I do?!” Feeling self conscious, and a little horrified that Ellie had witnessed such a thing, she raises a hand to her jaw. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Oh </em>, big time.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s face seemed serious, she couldn’t tell if she was lying or not. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, maybe not I was kidding about the grinding your teeth part, but you definitely snore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em> shut up </em>.” she narrows her eyes, “You’re just messing with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Feeling adventurous, Ellie takes a fry and dips it into her strawberry milkshake, pleasantly surprised with its taste. She goes back to exploring the combination of the crunchy sweetness in her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“...You’re lying!”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie stares into the middle of the fry as if it could give her answers as to why in the world this combination worked. She squeezes it until some potato filled middle peeks out. Guess that’s why Paul’s the chef and she’s the literary major, because this actually tasted pretty darn good.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> You shouldn’t knock it til you try it!” exclaims Paul, with an attitude. </em></p><p> </p><p>“You’re lying.” Aster studies Ellie’s soulful brown comets, but nothing gives way. The girl was already preoccupied with her fry for some odd reason. Aster starts getting finicky as her belief starts wavering in her mind, doubt creeping in. </p><p> </p><p>Still humming softly, Ellie merely shrugs and makes an indecipherable look, not giving any information that Aster needed. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you’re definitely lying. I don’t snore.” Aster makes up her mind. She states it firmly, as if to convince herself as well, “I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>She looks to the side for a while.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t!” she jerks her head back.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie scoffs, “I didn’t say anything!”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to!”, counters Aster.</p><p> </p><p><em> You don’t have to. </em> As in, you don’t have to say anything because I know you well enough to know what’s going through your head, <em> you don’t have to. </em> Ellie smiles at that, and it feels warm and nice inside her chest. She wishes she could hold that feeling close to her, forever. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that bad! It’s like soft snoring. It’s adorable.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster tries to stifle a smile, her heart flutters at the compliment.</p><p> </p><p>After a couple of subtle brushes here and there, added with uncontrollable smiles, Aster’s hands finally give in to her inner desires, caressing Ellie’s free hand. </p><p> </p><p>At first, Ellie freezes, but it doesn’t take long for her to relax into the intimate touch. She gives a shy smile and makes sure to not move even a centimeter, her wrist cemented into place against the table, afraid that any sudden movement would disturb the timid butterfly. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Try this.”</p><p> </p><p>“I already did, I didn’t like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well, you haven’t tried it with a strawberry one.”</p><p> </p><p>She scoffs at the absurd lengths they’ve gone over to woo her for Paul, “Oh my god, did you watch the <em> entire </em> date?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep.”</p><p> </p><p>“That isn’t creepy at all.” she mumbles with a pop of her brows.</p><p> </p><p>“On my defense, I was getting paid for it.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie points her eyes over and slides her glass closer towards Aster, sitting on the other side of the booth.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I sure hope it was worth it.”</p><p> </p><p>But Ellie doesn’t respond, she merely nudges the milkshake closer to her and gazes softly across her graceful features. </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure. Maybe it was worth it. Maybe it was worth it because it bonded them further. Maybe it was worth it because it granted her closer access through Aster’s labyrinth of thoughts. Maybe it was worth it because she got to talk to her through messaging again.</p><p> </p><p>Aster rebelliously shakes her head. If she was going to eat that, it wasn’t going to be willingly, Ellie would have to feed it to her. For a moment, she considered refusing the notion altogether, but now the thought of Ellie feeding her was <em> very </em> appealing. </p><p> </p><p>“Nhn. You’re gonna have to feed it to me.” </p><p> </p><p>Her heart skips a beat at the way Aster looks at her, recognizing the mischievous gleam in them. Ellie gulps slowly, eyes seemingly hesitant. But nonetheless, backing out would just make it all the more awkward, so Ellie summons her courage and feeds the expecting girl a strawberry milkshake dipped fry. </p><p> </p><p>Aster opens her mouth to receive it, purposefully brushing her lips against Ellie’s fingers as she did. She chews with a smug expression on her face, pleased with the way the girl squirms in her seat afterwards.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s heartbeat was palpable, she tried rationalizing what just happened. If this was just Aster being friendly, she was certainly going to be the death of her. It was on accident. <em> Calm down, Ellie. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I guess it’s not bad.” Aster states as she chews. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie, it was edible, just not that good. It just didn’t taste right to her.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie clears her throat loudly and attempts to carry on normally, “S-see?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Aster pauses a beat before adding, “I think I only like it when it’s fed to me though.” <em> Specifically by you, </em>she adds in her head. She looks over in Ellie’s direction, but not exactly meeting her eyes. Finally she lifts her hand from Ellie’s and ducks her head a bit, taking a regular fry this time. </p><p> </p><p>What? Only if it’s fed to her? That doesn’t even make any sense. Ellie seemingly picks up on the flirting and blushes. She readjusts her legs around so much that her knees accidentally knock into Aster’s, causing her to fluster about even more, “S-sorry!”</p><p> </p><p>Aster tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay.” </p><p> </p><p>She takes a sip of her oreo milkshake. </p><p> </p><p>“...Do I make you nervous?”</p><p> </p><p>“..Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? I’m just some girl.” asks Aster, innocently, a smirk hidden behind her shake.</p><p> </p><p>Another case of deja vu. But this time, the person in front of her was actually the person behind the screen. No longer hiding behind words and quotes and books. SmithCorona was very much real, and not some figment of her imagination. And it was another way to confirm that it was actually Ellie behind all those texts. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly, her brows furrowed together. And when she opened her lovely brown eyes again, they were filled with nothing but vulnerability, somehow saying nothing and everything at once. </p><p> </p><p>“You know why.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don't.” she fakes a questioning look.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie blinks slowly with reddened cheeks, “...You’re not just <em> some </em> girl, Aster.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster goes back to stroking Ellie’s hand with her fingers, and admires just how cute Ellie’s rosy cheeks were.</p><p> </p><p>“And I have classic bone structure?” she chortles.</p><p> </p><p>“..You really do.”</p><p> </p><p>A toothy grin slides out across her cheeks, hearing that was like music to her ears. She smiles and catches one of Ellie’s ankles, anchoring it down with both her feet under the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be. You make me kind of nervous too.” </p><p> </p><p>“I do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, because believe or not, you’re not just some girl either.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, she can feel Ellie attempting to loosen up, making sure Aster feels more at ease. </p><p> </p><p>They begin talking about school, with Ellie letting Aster play with her hand while the other supports her chin. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie talks about Grinnell and her roommates, and where she’s living, what she’s been up to, with her job and classes, and how her new life on college campus was. While Aster shows her pictures of her art through her phone, reveling in the way Ellie marvels at them and analyzes them, and talks about how she’s been wanting to transfer to a good Studio of Visual Arts program, or maybe go to school in New York. </p><p> </p><p>The girls conversate until closing, until they are the only ones left, the only ones seen enjoying each other’s company, through the backlit windows of Sparky’s diner. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Two days later, they decided to meet up again, climbing up onto the train station’s rooftop, at the break of dawn, to watch the sunrise together. The day before, the sun had dusted most of its snow away, and left a nice chilling breeze behind in the morning mist. </p><p> </p><p>With her hands folded across her stomach, Ellie quietly lays down next to Aster, watching the stars in the sky fade away, succumbing to the pink and purple hues painting across the broad canvas. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you ever think about the past?”</p><p> </p><p>“All the time. What do you think about?”</p><p> </p><p>“About..”, she lets out a humorless chuckle, “It’s just so crazy to think about. Like what would I be doing if I had accepted? I would’ve been Trig’s <em> fiance </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“At some point, I thought I <em> wanted </em> that.” </p><p> </p><p>There was a pause on Ellie’s end. </p><p> </p><p>Aster fiddles with her fingers as she awaits for her response.</p><p> </p><p>“Yikes.” Ellie feels that that was enough, that that pretty much sums up just how tragic of a beginning that would be for Aster, after graduating. </p><p> </p><p>Aster laughs, “Yeah. <em> Yikes. </em> He’s a good guy, but…” she inhales with a hiss, shaking her head regretfully, “Thanks for helping me dodge that bullet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. Anytime, Flores.”</p><p> </p><p>A shared, soft laugh drifts into the air around them. </p><p> </p><p>“I think about.. What if only I had known earlier that... that I didn’t want to settle down in Squahamish. And what if I never moved out here from Sacramento? How different would my life be back in California?”</p><p> </p><p>“What if I still lived in China? What if my dad found a job somewhere else besides Squahamish? What if I never left for Grinnell?”</p><p> </p><p>“There could’ve been some alternate universe where we wouldn’t have met each other. It’s so crazy that everything can be changed by just one alternate derivative in the timeline.”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t life just that? Just a handful of happenstances strown together?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe?... Or maybe it’s just fate? Maybe it’s destiny?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe in that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think.” Ellie sighs, “That things just happen. There’s no reason for it. It’s just the ebb and flow of the world, of nature. We have no control over much but, we can control the effort we put into it.” </p><p> </p><p><em> ..What if </em>… Aster’s thought trails off.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you be gay and religious?” Aster blurts the question aloud. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie blinks with surprise. “Umm. Yeah, I think so. My roommate is openly bi and she’s Catholic too. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Macy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“..Is she happy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Happy?... Hm. Yeah I think so. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Aster stares off into the distance. She wishes someone could just tell her what to do. How to get from point A to B, or if the decisions she’d make were the right ones. If only she could just have a glimpse of the future… </p><p> </p><p>“I just.. Want to know what she’s like. What that’s like.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve only known her for a couple of months but, yeah, well, to better put it, she’s very much in tune with her emotions. She cries when she’s sad and she cries when she’s happy, she even cries when she’s happy for other people. I’ve never met anyone who just.. <em> feels </em> so much. And so steadfast in her beliefs. I think we feel our emotions on different multitudes, it’s layered, it shifts, sometimes it's singular. I don't think one person can just be defined as happy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry I went off on a tangent there… But I know for sure that she’s a really good person. And a really good friend. And that her church and family are very supportive. However, if you want the short, simple answer, then yeah, I’d say she’s happy.”</p><p> </p><p>This piques Aster’s interest.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster didn’t quite understand what Ellie meant by, when she said that one person couldn’t just be labeled as happy. She was drawn more to the fact that there was another being out there that was similar to her, living her life as she pleased. Maybe she needed to put in more effort, into drawing her own path, into a path she actually wanted to go on, in order to be happy. Even if that meant going against her parents wishes, even if she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. To take that leap of faith, to paint that bold stroke. Maybe there was hope yet.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie notices a shift in Aster’s demeanor.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Ellie asks again, more worried this time.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like I’m.. I’m missing something, but I don’t know what it is.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it feels lonely.” </p><p> </p><p>She’ll never get used to that, loving how Ellie immediately understands her, those profound, grounding words that kept her sane, on land, instead of just floating aimlessly away with no real purpose. Ellie didn’t even ask for an explanation, or inquire about what had happened, and Aster was grateful for that. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you ever?..”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I do. Sometimes, but.. It’s gotten better.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s changed?”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess.. I found the right people to surround myself with.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster observes the orange hues blending in now.</p><p> </p><p>“...How do you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“That they’re the right people?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Some people bring out the best in you, and some just drain you.” Ellie shrugs, “When you feel like yourself around them. Understood. And accepted for who you are. Who.. you <em> actually </em> are. But I’m still struggling in that department.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie thinks about how Aster is a part of that ensemble. </p><p> </p><p>“I think most of us are, especially in this day and age.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think we <em> all </em> are. Some of us aren’t even aware of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster moves over until their arms are touching, and holds Ellie’s hand. Ellie exhales and her eyes drifted shut, her senses honed in on the feel and warmth of Aster’s hand interlaced with hers. </p><p> </p><p>“...I’m glad you found something good in Iowa to believe in, heathen.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie felt shards of glass piercing her heart upon hearing those words, she could feel the pain in her voice. </p><p> </p><p>“..Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“..I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster traces the lines in Ellie’s palm during her pensive thought. </p><p> </p><p>“You should go for it. Transfer. Anywhere, really. Just get outta here.” </p><p> </p><p>“But my parents would be against it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hn!” Ellie chuckles derisively, “Your parents were also against you calling off your engagement with Trig.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s understandable. Marrying Trig would’ve made them really happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what about you?” says Ellie, quietly, her eyes growing with concern.</p><p> </p><p>“...Me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you happy?”</p><p> </p><p>It felt like something had punched her right in the gut. The aching in her heart starts blurring her vision, the pain simmers in her chest and makes its way, in a form of a lump, up her throat, confusion wildly swirling about in her head. She was stumped. Shook to the core as the revelation hit her. And for some reason, she feels utterly ashamed and embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>Because, shouldn’t she be? With all the things she had, the things her parents said she was blessed with. Shouldn’t she be? </p><p> </p><p>Her mouth opens and shuts, trying to muster something, <em> anything </em>, but comes up short. She couldn’t bring herself to say something so heartbreaking. And being caught in a vulnerable position, she couldn’t lie either, her hesitation probably said it all already.</p><p> </p><p>Abruptly, Aster sits up.</p><p> </p><p>Because, no. </p><p> </p><p>No, she wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t happy. </p><p> </p><p>Silent tears fell, and a startled Ellie sits up and wraps herself around her, pulling her body into her chest, with a leg branching on the side while the other curls around her, and lets her head lean into the crevice of her neck and collarbone. </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s breathing staggered as she sniveled, tearing Ellie’s heart apart. As Aster begins to unravel painfully, Ellie holds her together securely, patiently. Her hands caressed her as her shoulders shuddered. </p><p> </p><p>One heaping pile of broken tears later, Aster finally calms down and begins to stroke Ellie’s arm absentmindedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Life is like a piano; the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also create music.”</p><p> </p><p>“..Who said that?” sniffles Aster.</p><p> </p><p>“Macy.”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s amazing. Alexis is majoring in dancing, photography, Victoria’s in sculpting and pottery, and Macy’s are filmmaking, cosmetology and designing, writing/editing, fine arts, painting, she’s even a leader in her church youth group-” </p><p> </p><p>“-Alright, I get it. She’s amazing.” Aster couldn’t hide the jealousy in her tone, holding up a stopping hand.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie breathes out slowly and pushes her hair out of her face, having Aster leaned back into her chest, wrapping her arms around her, felt so relaxing.</p><p> </p><p>“...<em> You’re </em> amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not as amazing as Macy.” mumbles Aster. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie sighs softly in response, a little sad.</p><p> </p><p>“..I wish you could see what I see.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nn? And what’s that?”</p><p> </p><p>“The beauty within yourself, within your paintings.”</p><p> </p><p>Patiently, Ellie wipes the remains off her tear stained cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“...Your potential.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster smiles and nestles further into Ellie, “What else?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think your art has a certain depth to it that makes it special, unique.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you almost scrapped it. I absolutely loved that one lined abstract art piece, on the contrary, I think you just don’t give yourself enough credit.” </p><p> </p><p>“Beauty is in the eye of its beholder.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so hard on yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster pulls Ellie’s arms closer around her.</p><p> </p><p>“I am?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you brush it off like it’s no big deal. But it’s not silly. I think it really has the potential to be something great. What you're passionate about isn’t silly.”</p><p> </p><p>The feeling that Aster gets nestles within her soul, warming it from the inside out, like when she’s tucked into bed and wrapped around securely in her favorite blanket as a child, perhaps this is what love feels like, it almost feels wrong, to feel this good. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you decide to do, you’ll have my support no matter what. Albeit if you stay, or if you choose New York. I’m with you all the way.” Ellie doesn’t even know where she’s pulling these words from, perhaps she’s been living with her roommates for too long. She’s gone soft now. But then again, it was Aster. In her heart, she’s always had a soft spot for the first and only stargirl that’s ever managed to capture her heart. </p><p> </p><p>She feels as though her heart is about to burst, it becomes too much for her to hold, and Aster pecks Ellie on the cheek, watching her lashes flutter in pleasant surprise. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t. You’re going to make me blend in with the sky.” Ellie was already turning into the shades of sunrise.</p><p> </p><p>Aster giggles frivolously, and gazes out into the open. The rays of light start to peek out from behind the wavy hills. </p><p> </p><p>“..I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“For what?” says Ellie, softly. </p><p> </p><p>“For… putting up with my mess. I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be. I will gladly take on your mess anytime, anyday, Aster.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same… God I can be such a crying mess. I feel like an idiot-”</p><p> </p><p>“-You could never be an idiot.” Ellie cuts in. </p><p> </p><p>Aster sniffs and nods.</p><p> </p><p>If it were any possible, Ellie squeezes her even tighter, “I’m glad I met you. Who else is going to call me out on my plagiarism?” she mumbles into Aster’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Aster laughs weakly. </p><p> </p><p>Even if this ended up not working out, or if Aster suddenly changed her mind, Ellie couldn’t help but indulge. Cautiously, she kisses the side of Aster’s hair, breathing in the smell of flowers or lavender, then rests her chin on her.</p><p> </p><p>After a pause, Ellie adds, “You don’t have to do it all alone, Aster. We’ll figure it out together.” She pats Aster and gestures for her to take notice of the sun, carefully rising above the clouds. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The sun always rises tomorrow. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Aster feels something tightly coil around her chest, she bites back the tears welling up in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie really shouldn’t say things like that. </p><p> </p><p>“...Together?”</p><p> </p><p>It makes Aster feel… </p><p> </p><p>“Together.” Ellie reassures.</p><p> </p><p>Not safe. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You know, this is really nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is?”</p><p> </p><p>“Us, this. Actually having a conversation for once. In person this time. And hanging out.”</p><p> </p><p>“...Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do not run after her train. Do not, Do not! Ugh.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? It’s kinda sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kinda trite.”</p><p> </p><p>“It shows that he cares.”</p><p> </p><p>“It shows that he’s a moron.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster shakes her head and squints at the TV, “Who outruns trains?” she says exasperatedly before taking another sip.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie smiles to herself and decides to send Paul her victorious text. Maybe it had to take someone to run after Aster while she’s departing on the train for her to change her view too. But that doesn’t mean she couldn’t rub it in. </p><p> </p><p><b>Ellie:</b> By the way, Aster thinks he’s a moron too. </p><p> </p><p>Her phone dings a minute later.</p><p> </p><p><b>Paul:</b> Hey! Tell her it shows that he cares! 😒</p><p> </p><p>Ellie smirks and lays her phone back down.</p><p> </p><p><b>Paul:</b> Ask her to come! 👀💁😬</p><p> </p><p>Her smile falters and her nerves inject themselves through her veins, her eyes drift over to Aster, the unknowing victim to be asked if she would accompany Ellie to Lonnie’s New years party.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting in the middle, where Paul would usually sit, Aster takes another sip of the refreshing Yakult that Ellie introduced to her not too long ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Would you run after a train?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. No way.”</p><p> </p><p>“What if it was me?” Aster couldn’t help her curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>“...If you really wanted me to, I would.”</p><p> </p><p>With her back still facing Ellie, she can’t see that Aster is sipping her Yakult with a wide smirk on her face, all giddy with the fact that Ellie would run for her, feeling incredibly special.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie slowly peers over at her father, who in turn, glances at Aster before training his eyes back on the flickering screen. Nonchalantly, he munches on another dumpling.</p><p> </p><p>“Aster.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster is a little startled, but was responsive.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Yes? Mr. Chu?”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you tried, <em> Taco sausage </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t think I have.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should try it. I’ll give you some dumplings before you go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank you, that sounds wonderful, Mr. Chu.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So, today’s been really fun.” Aster lingers by the door with a tiny bag swinging in one hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I had fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it weird if I hug you goodbye?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Gross.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shut up.” </p><p> </p><p>“What? I’m not much of a hugger.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, too bad.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie smirks and lets Aster pull her into a warm hug. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll make an exception for you, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster’s cheeks hurt from grinning so much throughout the whole day. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t forget about tomorrow.” says Ellie, as she rests her head besides Aster’s, noticing that Aster’s lips were in <em> very </em> close proximity to her cheek again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh right, New year’s eve gathering at the Munsky’s?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I’ll be there.” Aster sighs at the loss of contact as they break apart, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“See you tomorrow.” Ellie hangs on the doorframe. </p><p> </p><p>Aster takes one last look at Ellie, “It’s a… a..”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s face holds a very stoic expression, but perks up with curiosity for what Aster was about to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll... be..” she stammers.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a- I’ll.. be your date.” she heads out the door before she could see the eyes nearly popping out of Ellie’s head, in full blown panic. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“That’s fine. Her cousin can come too.”</p><p> </p><p>Paul plays with Ellie’s Rubik’s cube, with no intention of actually solving it.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, when you said that this was an emergency, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”</p><p> </p><p>“This <em> is </em> an emergency, Paul. I’m dying. I’m literally dying.” she rummages through her drawer and then through her closet, “Lonnie’s New Years Eve bash is tonight, and I need outfit critique.”</p><p> </p><p>“My parents have already left for their date, you could come over earlier if you want.”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I need to prepare for this.”</p><p> </p><p>“For who?... For…. Assteeeer?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“So... someone’s been hanging out a lot.. with Aster...” he drolls.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t, Paul.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? You are! Or do you still not know what hanging out is?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know what it is now! I just, I don’t know where her head’s at right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“It seems to be around you these days.” he chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, “..Shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>“So are you guys, like, dating?”</p><p> </p><p>“No?”</p><p> </p><p>“...But she called it a date.”</p><p> </p><p>“She said she would be my date, not that it’s a date, <em> date </em>, kinda date. And if this is the first date there’s no way it’s going to be at Lonnie’s party. But yeah, I don’t know. Was she joking or was she being serious? Because if she’s serious, then I have to prepare. But if she was joking, then I’m going to look stupid for overdressing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t you just text her?”</p><p> </p><p>“What! No!” </p><p> </p><p>What an absurd idea. What? Send a text over to clear things up and have an honest conversation? Ok maybe that was a reasonable route but Ellie isn’t even going to entertain the idea. What if Aster said it was just a joke, then she’ll be humiliated and marred for the rest of her life.</p><p> </p><p>“Then she’ll know I’m freaking out about it!”</p><p> </p><p>“But you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“No. No. She can’t know that.”</p><p> </p><p>“She.. can’t know that you like her?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>He understands and nods, “Ohhh… You just don’t want her to know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Paul. Now would you help me?”</p><p> </p><p>She holds two outfits over her body in the full mirror.</p><p> </p><p>Then he frowns. Wait… what?... How do you end up with the person if they don’t know that you like them?</p><p> </p><p>Paul glances sideways at his best friend. Messaging Aster seemed like a pretty straightforward thing to do from Paul’s viewpoint.</p><p> </p><p>He scratches his head,  “Are girls always this complicated?” sighs Paul.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” She replies without a second thought, knowing firsthand, because she was a girl herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh!” he claps his hands, “But she called you cute!” he finger guns triumphantly and clicks his tongue. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but girls compliment each other all the time.” she counters.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm.” He stares intensely at the drywall, swirling into a very deep and intricate maze of math equations floating out of his brain. </p><p> </p><p>If she was feeling this way, she couldn’t even imagine what it must’ve been like for Paul. He did try to kiss her and all.</p><p> </p><p>She snaps her fingers at him, “Hey, help me pick an outfit.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you said it wasn’t a date.” </p><p> </p><p>“I said I wasn’t sure it was. She just said ‘I’ll be your date’ very casually right before she left last night. It might’ve been a joke. So I just have to wear something that’s kinda dressed up just in case it is and also just casual enough just in case it isn’t one. Something simple but like not too much. But not too simple either.”</p><p> </p><p>“Simple, but not too simple…”, his face scrunches up for a <em> long </em> period of time. Casual… But dressed up… Might be a joke… might not… simple.. But not too simple…………..</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe it’s better if we remained friends.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because it’s.. complicated.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why is it complicated?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think it is? What am I even saying I don’t even know if she feels the same way. I just don’t want to jeopardize anything we have.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you talk to her about it? Also I say go with the white blouse with those black jeans we got at the thrift store. Add that heather grey sweater over it. Yeah, that’s nice. Yeah, yeah grey converses.”</p><p> </p><p>Talk to her about it? What, just ask her outright in the open? Straight up ask her, do you like me? No. She really wishes Paul would just stop suggesting such things. Well, he does have a girlfriend now, and she doesn’t-</p><p> </p><p>He rams into her train of thought, “Just tell her you don’t want to be friends anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, for the love of Paul.</p><p> </p><p>She was in trouble.</p><p> </p><p>Big trouble.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>After an array of greetings and casual conversations, Ellie finally has an opening to take a seat and relax. </p><p> </p><p>She searches the crowd for one particular person, but her heart drops when Aster is nowhere to be found. Paul had told her that the two had already arrived, so she was feeling a bit on edge, from just knowing that Aster’s presence was in the same building as she was. </p><p> </p><p>Giving up, Ellie takes a seat near the end of the maroon couch, with her hands pinned between her knees.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, <em> hello </em>. I don’t believe we’ve met.”</p><p> </p><p>The girl talking to her looked like she just came surfing fresh off the coasts of California, she looked similar to Shay Mitchell. </p><p> </p><p>She introduces herself in a rush as if she had suddenly remembered her manners. She bows her head slightly, in greeting.</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie Chu...”</p><p> </p><p>The tanned girl scoots closer to her and extends a welcoming hand. She was taken aback by the abrupt invasion of her personal space bubble, but Ellie politely takes her hand and shakes it.</p><p> </p><p>The girl tightens her grip when Ellie tries to pull hers away, “So… are you from around here? I feel like I’ve seen you before.”</p><p> </p><p>She starts squirming around, getting uncomfortable from being under such intense scrutiny, “Uhh.. Train station area.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh! I’ve been there!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, probably, it’s the only train station in town, and only means of getting into Squahamish.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well. My family, we have to take the train to get to Squahamish every time we head up. We’re from Sacramento.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie was only half paying attention to the conversation, until the girl introduced herself as:</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Mercy, Mercy Flores.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Aster peers over during her conversation with Lonnie, who, unfortunately, caught her mid stride with champagne glasses for both her and Mercy.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.. I’m a really nice guy so, I let your cousin crash my place that night--”</p><p> </p><p>And what she saw had her jaw drop to the floor, her breath caught in her throat, her eyes widened in alarm, posture rigid, with what seemingly was unfolding before her very own eyes. Aster feels a drop in her stomach from the way Mercy looked at Ellie like she was some sort of prey. And she was- They were- The audacity. They were holding <em> hands </em>. Why are they holding hands? Nobody needs to hold hands for that long, that seems like a bit much. Why-</p><p> </p><p>“So. How do you know Ells?”</p><p> </p><p>With her eyes still trained over at them, she excuses herself quickly, “Erm, yeah that’s nice. Gotta go.” She gestures at her company and blatantly ignores him.</p><p> </p><p>His cool facade immediately falls, realizing he’s wasted too much time acting carefree. His stature lowers, and he opens his mouth, but she was already speeding off in a hurry.</p><p> </p><p>Mercy playfully scolds her cousin as she approaches them.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Aster. </em> I can’t believe you haven't introduced me to this sweet little number.” Mercy had met Trig and those annoying friends of hers, but she’s never seen this asian chick before.</p><p> </p><p>A smile instantly brightens on their faces when they look at each other, and Ellie can feel the world fading away as Aster steps closer and closer. She gazed fondly as the stargirl, the girl who always seemed to be in a world of her own, twirling her hair absentmindedly, the girl who hadn’t spoken to her for four years, the girl who is now, for more than five seconds, taking notice and looking back with a warm, affectionate grin. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie would’ve never thought it in a million years, that their worlds would somehow collide with each other’s, not even in the slightest, in this way. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, you made it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wouldn’t miss it. I’m a woman of my word.”</p><p> </p><p>“You look.. Good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not too shabby yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercy’s head comes popping into the frame, almost blurring out the lens, forcing it to refocus, breathing steam on it if her nostrils could, “Where have you been hiding this friend of yours?” </p><p> </p><p>“...Friend?” Ellie looks up questioningly. Were they friends? What were they? Ellie considered Aster a friend but she wasn’t sure if Aster felt the same way. </p><p> </p><p>“...Yes… Friends.” says Aster, flatly, her lips pinched to the side.</p><p> </p><p>Mercy was weirded out by the awkward exchange from both sides, but nevertheless, it doesn’t deter her interest.</p><p> </p><p>She then prepares to scooch closer to Ellie, to make room for Aster to sit next to her, leaving Mercy right where she wanted, in the middle, next to Ellie. But as soon as her bottom hovers off the couch, she gets a massive incoming weight, in the form of Aster’s annoying butt, wedging down, almost as if deliberately, in between them.</p><p> </p><p>Aster continues to set everything on the coffee table as if nothing happened, and pops a cracker in her mouth, extremely pleased that they were no longer holding hands. </p><p> </p><p>Mercy purses her lips before starting again. </p><p> </p><p>“Cool.. So.. how’d you two meet?” </p><p> </p><p>Mercy is obviously directing her question at Ellie, but right as Ellie opens her mouth to reply, Aster steps in. </p><p> </p><p>“We met at school! We’ve known each other for 4 years.”</p><p> </p><p>“4 years?!” exclaims Mercy, “Wow, that’s a long time. How have I not heard about you before? Or were you not friends until recently?”, she looks right past Aster and over at Ellie, hoping that her cousin would take the hint of what she was trying to do, that she was trying to get to know Ellie.</p><p> </p><p>“Well.. We weren’t-” </p><p> </p><p>Aster chimes in, “-Mercy lives in California, her family comes over for holidays and major events.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I do.. I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere, are you religious-”</p><p> </p><p>Aster interrupts, “-She’s my father’s favorite heathen, the one that plays the piano for our church.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooooh! Wow you look different! You look… more <em> mature </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I did cut my hair-”</p><p> </p><p>“-Don’t you love her hair, I know I do.” Aster pipes up. Ellie smiles to herself at that.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I <em> love </em> it.” Mercy eyes Ellie as she sips her champagne. </p><p> </p><p>The way Mercy says that word ‘love’ makes Aster’s stomach want to hurl.</p><p> </p><p>“So what have you been up to nowadays?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m actually back in town for break. I go to-”</p><p> </p><p>“-She! She Goes to GrinNelL.”, Aster clears her throat, noticing a higher pitched note made its way through, “University… Ahem.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooooh college girl.. I see. I like it! You changed the parting that used to be down the middle. Love it.” gushes Mercy, “You’re like, giving off major <em> sexy, hot </em> college girl vibes now.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster feels queasy as her stomach sinks, she wanted so badly for this to be over.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie chokes on her first sip of champagne. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god! Here.” feigning exaggerated concern, Mercy reaches an arm over to pat Ellie’s back. </p><p> </p><p>Immediately, Aster’s hand shoots out before Mercy’s could even land on Ellie’s back, patting then rubbing it over affectionately, with a smile plastered on her face, “Oop! Got it.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s hands soothed down her throat, it didn’t help much but she was thankful for the save. Her heart fluttered, her hands rubbing in circles on her back felt like it was emanating warmth right into her heart, injecting it with a rush of dopamine.</p><p> </p><p>And then Ellie motions to set her glass back down, to which Mercy responded at once, lending a helping hand. But instead, Aster’s hand darts out like her life depended on it, and guides it to the table for Ellie, “I got it, El.”</p><p> </p><p>El<em> … El? </em></p><p> </p><p>Since when did Aster call her that? </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want some of my water?”, Annoyed, she dangles out her bottle of water, which was of course, intercepted by Aster as well, to much of Mercy's expectation and disdain.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! I’ll take that... To her...”, Aster then middlemans it over to Ellie.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” says Ellie, hoarsely. She sips sparingly, the cooling refreshment relieves her throat.</p><p> </p><p>She was completely oblivious to the passive aggressive war clashing between the two cousins besides her. To the very, very, <em> very </em> , <em> extremely </em> uncomfortable look on Aster’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“So Ellie, what do you like to do around here? In this small town of Squahamish?-”</p><p> </p><p>Aster crosses her arms and taps her foot, “-She plays the guitar, she’s really good.” she cuts Mercy off, not even trying to put up this friendly charade anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, what the flying fuck. Now Mercy was annoyed. Has Aster always been this dense? What is this girl playing at? Mercy thought it was pretty clear that she only wanted to talk to Ellie. Guess it wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Mercy decides to cut to the chase, “Ellie, can I get your number? I have some questions about Grinnell college, college in general, actually.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure! Grinnell’s a great college. I highly recommend it.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster pinches her lips to the side and folds her arms the opposite way during the exchange.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooookay~ Awesome!~” she sings as she does a little triumphant shimmy. “Well, I’m just gonna head back over to Lonnie… And.. I will <em> definitely </em> text you later.” Mercy excuses herself  and throws a charming wink over Ellie’s way. </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s eye twitches and stares intensely as she watches her cousin pat and rub Ellie’s knee before leaving. And right after the threat left, another rambunctious one comes thundering in.</p><p> </p><p>“Elllliieeee!!!” Gabrielle comes squealing over and sits on Ellie’s lap, peppering her with auntie kisses. </p><p> </p><p>“H-hey Gabby.”</p><p> </p><p>They make casual chit chat before Gabby finally leaves them.</p><p> </p><p>Then, an incoming Mary hugs Ellie from behind the couch and also greets them, and it takes a couple of minutes before she leaves as well. </p><p> </p><p>She heaves a sigh, “C’mon.” There were way too many people interrupting Ellie, and it was getting too stuffy for her liking. Aster picks up on the jist, and slings her purse over her shoulder to get ready to move.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie gets up and gestures Aster to follow her, unaware of the Flores tornado threatening to brew about near her. </p><p> </p><p>Aster grabs Ellie’s hand as they shoulder their way through the party guests. Is this what jealousy feels like? It felt like she wanted to cover her eyes and shrivel up. She wasn’t sure what she wanted more; to just walk away from it all? Or to throw up. She’s never felt this way when she was with Trig, even with all the pretty girls blatantly throwing themselves at him in front of her. </p><p> </p><p>They make their way down the basement and into Paul’s bedroom, away from all the noise and the chaos of the clinking and clattering of chatter and laughter. The uproarious party fades away into murmurs and garbled voices through the walls as they make it down the basement steps.</p><p> </p><p>“Much better. Let’s just stay here until it’s time-”</p><p> </p><p>“-You’ve changed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did? How?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re more.. I don’t know. Social?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. I guess.” She takes off her winter coat and hangs it over his desk chair.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s obviously into you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Who?”</p><p> </p><p>“..You know who.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mercy?”</p><p> </p><p>Aster doesn’t respond and just crosses her arms, pacing around in random directions.</p><p> </p><p>“..She was?” Ellie was busy retying her shoe laces while sitting on the sports bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” says Aster, exasperatedly. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s gay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Wouldn’t you like to-”, Aster catches herself, it wasn’t her place to say it, right? “-Well. Maybe. I-I don’t know.” she stutters.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh.” Ellie ponders for a minute, “But she asked me about Grinnell.” she shakes her head, like it was a preposterous idea.</p><p> </p><p>“Trust me, she does not want to go to Grinnell.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just.. Trust me on that one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.. Okay.” Ellie rolls her shoulders and leans back on her palms, watching Aster pace around the bedroom in pensive thought, it looked like she drifted off into her own world again.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you like her?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, she seems really friendly, I like her.” she replies, without a care. </p><p> </p><p>“ ...You <em>do</em>?<em>” </em></p><p> </p><p>There is a hurt expression in her lovely, brown eyes, and seeing the color draining from her rosy cheeks, Ellie adds frantically, “I mean, she seems cool? D-do you know something I don’t? Am I not supposed to like her?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is Mercy your type?” Aster whirls around, smacking her question directly at the unsuspecting girl, her face was warm from being so worked up.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie sputters, “What?!” At first she thought Aster was joking, but she could see how tense she was, how her brows increased with worry.</p><p> </p><p>Aster throws her arms to the sides, impatiently. She doesn’t want to repeat herself, she doesn’t even want to say it, and she knew that Ellie had heard her. There’s no way that Ellie could be attracted to her, right? There’s no way. But she couldn’t stop herself from needing Ellie to say it herself, from hearing it from Ellie herself.</p><p> </p><p>“L-like t-type to date?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Aster huffs.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, I barely know her at all.” How come Ellie was getting the feeling that she was in trouble? “It’s just a compliment, Aster. And I don’t get compliments often. It actually feels pretty nice.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster stiffens. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, she had no problem with Ellie getting compliments, and she had no right to get jealous, they weren’t even together. It’s just the way her cousin looked at her… It made her defensive. It made her want to protect Ellie... Right? She was acting like this because she was being protective. Ellie isn’t just some piece of meat, or some eye candy to drool over. She deserved much more than that, she justifies to herself.</p><p> </p><p>“...Why does it feel like I’m in trouble?” Ellie chuckles nervously.</p><p> </p><p>..Maybe she was overreacting. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Aster whirls around, towering adjacent from Ellie. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re not.”</p><p> </p><p>Shrinking, Ellie leans back with her brows raised, looking up at Aster.  </p><p> </p><p>“O-okay...” She tries to ignore that creeping voice in her head, pestering her that she was, in fact, in big trouble.</p><p> </p><p>They stayed like that for a while, it felt like so long that Ellie was beginning to fret over whether or not Aster had actually, physically, frozen into place.</p><p> </p><p>“You look-!”</p><p> </p><p>She jumps a little bit, but relaxes when she sees Aster’s soft expression. Ellie waits patiently for her to finish her sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“...You look really pretty.. Today.”, she starts tripping over her words, “Well, you always do. But particularly today, you’re really pretty. I mean you always are. Well, I’m just- I wanted to say that. You are beautiful. To me. All the time. If that wasn’t clear. So. Yes. Yeah.” </p><p> </p><p>Flopping her arms, Aster hangs her head low, her waves partially covering her now beet red cheeks, then her arms folded taut across her chest.</p><p> </p><p>With her face growing hot, Ellie’s eyes widened and her mouth slightly hung open; and she’s pretty sure her brain was just about as jumbled up as Aster’s was. Was this how Ellie looked when she went on a ramble? Maybe not, because Aster looked irresistibly adorable. She tucks that image away for safekeeping as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Ow!” Aster's hip bumps into the corner of the bedpost as she wobbles her way around the room, she glares at it as if it had done something horrible to her, leaving Ellie stunned, sitting on Paul’s bed in a lovestruck haze in the background.</p><p> </p><p>“You think.. I’m beautiful?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ye-, y-yeppers.” Aster blinks and looks around randomly, gnawing on her pinky, looking for anything that was remotely interesting, so she can pretend to be fixated on it. Her heart was ramming uncomfortably in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“No one’s ever called me that before.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster spun around in disbelief, “What?” her cheeks were dusted pink.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie rubs her neck and nods her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Well.. You are.”</p><p> </p><p>As if Ellie needed more reasons to fall in love with Aster, she tries to stop smiling, but couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Aster..”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>Her phone dings. A message from Paul pops up.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Paul texted me. Must be close to countdown.”</p><p> </p><p><b>Paul:</b> Where r u??? Almost midnight 🥳🥟🥂🍾 Make sure ur near Aster! </p><p> </p><p>Ellie blushes fiercely and slaps her wallet cover shut, rapidly checking to see if Aster had seen anything from behind her. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go back up.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie can feel her heart pounding in her chest, she tries her best to remain calm.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmkay.”</p><p> </p><p>They made it halfway up the stairs before hearing the loud noise escalating, soundwaves wafting above as if they were reentering a football stadium.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Ellie! I need someone to kiss!” someone barks. It sounded like it came from a guy, probably one of Paul’s brothers.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie halts in her step so abruptly that Aster bumps into her back. She glances back at Aster, who looked back with the same scrunched up, disapproving look. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie waves for Aster to back up and they hurry back down into Paul’s bedroom to seek refuge. </p><p> </p><p>“No. Ellie and Aster are paired up.” she can hear Paul’s voice drifting off above them. </p><p> </p><p>“We are?” a glint of hope bounced in Aster’s questioning.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie frantically waves it off, “He’s just saying that to cover me.” she says in a loud whisper. She curses at how loud and booming Paul’s voice can be.</p><p> </p><p>“..Oh.” Aster fails to hide the disappointment in not only her voice, but her expression as well. </p><p> </p><p>Aster calmly saunters off the stairs as Ellie stealthily tiptoes and dramatically leans up against the stair wall to conceal her body. Aster slowly nears her with perfectly shaped brows pulled together.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t mind, if you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>She lightly bites on the edge of her lip, glancing at Ellie’s. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“10!” </p><p> </p><p>Their hearts leapt in their throats.</p><p> </p><p>Aster looks at her with panic.</p><p> </p><p>“9!”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie can feel her skin crawling with nervousness.</p><p> </p><p>“8! 7!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ellie!”</p><p> </p><p>“6!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh right! Sorry!”</p><p> </p><p>“ 5! 4!”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I don’t, Aster.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie shoves her nerves down.</p><p> </p><p>“3! 2!” </p><p> </p><p>They smile at each other as the countdown lowers.</p><p> </p><p>“...1!”</p><p> </p><p>As Aster closes her eyes, Ellie leans in and pecks her lips innocently. She smiles and backs away, “Happy new years, Aster.”</p><p> </p><p>And just for a fleeting moment, Aster feels herself craving for more, her eyes drift back open, hooded with barely repressed want. She can’t help but notice that there was nobody else in the room with them, the thought reverberates in her mind, wracking it over and over. More, more, <em> more </em>. Now was the chance.</p><p> </p><p>The calling was relentless, and she barely had enough energy to fight it any longer. She sets down her champagne glass and gazes longingly at Ellie, running her clammy hands down her denim jeans.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands graze up her chest, feeling the fabric of Ellie’s grey sweater and the collar of her shirt underneath. Girl, did she look good in those jeans and grey sweater, she looked like a very handsome studious writer.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s brows creases, “What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>Aster licks her lips in anticipation, and kisses Ellie’s lips tentatively, gauging her reaction. Ellie’s breath hitch softly as she pulled away. </p><p> </p><p>She was so close that she could feel her breath mix with hers. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s lashes flutter open and she looks sideways as if she was in some sort of dream. </p><p> </p><p>Aster swallows her nerves and presses her lips against hers again, reassuring her that this wasn’t all in her head, and that it was all very much real, that she wanted this. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s eyes darken and her hands settle around Aster’s hips, still hesitant, but was slowly putting the puzzle pieces together.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands slide up and nest around her neck, her fingers curled and woven, and Aster steals another small, fleeting kiss. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie closes her eyes and takes in a deep, shaky breath, leaning inwards. </p><p> </p><p>Is this really happening? Is this even a good idea? Her brows crease from inner debate. As she sways in indecisiveness, she can feel the length of Aster’s nose besides hers. She wasn’t sure if she should let this happen, but all it took was for her to open her eyes again, captured by the sultry abyss of dilated, blown brown pupils, before locking their lips again. </p><p> </p><p>And it was all just so delicious, having and feeling her lips moving against hers, in a steady rhythm, a soft static of electricity, sparking through them, burning between them. She wonders if Ellie could taste the same sweet champagne on her lips like she did on hers. </p><p> </p><p>There was a quiet gasp as Aster dips her tongue in, and she felt her knees weaken as Ellie reciprocates, and changes the pace of the kiss, pulling her closer against her body. </p><p> </p><p>She revels in her warmth, the warmth between their bodies, their breaths, their hands, skin, how Ellie holds her like a masterpiece, firm yet soft, how warm and plush her lips felt against hers, how her fingers explore the nape of Ellie’s neck and pulls strands loose from her ponytail, how Ellie traces her jaw. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie groans breathlessly as Aster’s hands unbutton and wander under her collar, her layers, to explore more skin, as her nails lightly drag back up her neck to caress her neck and jawline. </p><p> </p><p>The kiss progressively deepens and becomes more passionate by the second. She starts getting more greedy, she could feel her innate desires growling, wanting to break free from her constant restraints. <em> Just what if, just, just to know </em> ... Caught up in the moment, her hand travels down Ellie’s torso and touches whatever it could, over her sweater, <em> under </em> her sweater, drawing a deep throated moan from Ellie. </p><p> </p><p>Breathless, Ellie grips her wrist, places a gentle kiss on it, before guiding it back to around her neck, her dark pools glowering down at Aster’s lips. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Sorry!” she couldn’t believe she lost control like that. Just when she was about to pull back and apologize profusely and start scolding internally, Ellie cups her cheek while the other holds firm pressure on the small of her back, anchoring Aster in place.</p><p> </p><p>“No. No, it’s not that.” says Ellie, assuringly. </p><p> </p><p>“Just... Not here.” she whispers near Aster’s parted mouth.</p><p> </p><p>The way Ellie lowers her voice, the way her eyes plead for understanding, does something to Aster, a hunger stirs from deep within. Submerged back into her previous lust filled state, Aster obliges and nods, and connects their lips once more. </p><p> </p><p>She whimpers at the way Ellie’s fingers caress her skin through the opening sliver at which her sweater rose up to expose. </p><p> </p><p>Aster imagines doing this for the rest of her life. The thought of being with Ellie sends thrilling goosebumps down her spine, and causes her to smile into the next liplock. She wouldn’t mind if she got to be held by those sturdy, writer's hands for the rest of her life, she wouldn’t mind feeling those muscles hiding under all that clothing either. She wouldn’t mind if Ellie was the last person she’d be kissing for the rest of her life. </p><p> </p><p>Is she getting too carried away? Was this infatuation? She was probably getting ahead of herself, but her heart wanted to divulge in the fantasy.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help but wonder, if this is what it’s supposed to feel like, what it would feel like to-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Thump. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It sounded like a bouncy ball, whistling in and thwacking against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, ping ponging off until it rolled over into the corner, revealing a plump football.</p><p> </p><p>Aster breaks off in a panic, like a deer caught in headlights, while Ellie was still processing what was happening. Slowly peeling herself off the wooden wall, her thumb touches the ghost of Aster’s lips, moving in a daze. She takes a deep breath and fixes her ponytail, recollecting herself.</p><p> </p><p>Heavy footsteps come down the stairs and a body twirls around the stair post. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Holy shit!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mercy.</p><p> </p><p>Mercy rubbed her face for good measure, unable to believe what was seen before her eyes, her hands clasp over her mouth with shock.</p><p> </p><p>Aster throws out the first thing she could think of, “Um, er. Sup, cuz?” </p><p> </p><p>Sup.. cuz?... Ellie squints at Aster, even with her flushed face she couldn’t help but almost break out a laugh. Even Aster winces and squeezes her eyes shut. </p><p> </p><p>Mercy pulls a lengthened gasp, as if she had just drowned in water and needed air when she broke the surface. She clutches her head, face in utter shock. A stream of disorganized blabbering comes spilling out.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you?! I didn’t-! I didn't know you two were together!” </p><p>“Oh my god.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry Aster! If I’d known- oh my god.”</p><p>“Wait… wait.”</p><p>“What? WHAT!”</p><p>“Hold on. You’re gay??”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?!”</p><p>“Whoaaaaa~”</p><p>“Wowowowow.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercy lets out a curt laugh, almost amused by it all, expressions ranging from surprise to shock to confusion to embarrassment to amazement and then to speechless. “Oh my god. Oh my… God.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster holds her hands out, as if to de-escalate any irrational thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not what it looks like.”</p><p> </p><p>“...It’s not?” asks Mercy, dubiously. </p><p> </p><p>“W-w-what do you think is, is happening?” Aster tries testing the waters, seeing if she can wiggle her way out of this.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie cautiously watches them and decides to keep her mouth shut. </p><p> </p><p>“Hah! I think Ellie should wipe her face and fix her disheveled shirt, that’s what I think. Holy fuck! That must’ve been some make out sesh.” </p><p> </p><p>Panicstricken, Aster glances over at Ellie to see her wiping her mouth and rebuttoning near her collar. </p><p> </p><p>“W-we’re not together.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercy holds her hands out in front of her, as if to dispel such ridiculous notions. </p><p> </p><p>Ellie checks her sleeve as if that could show her if she managed to rub it all off.</p><p> </p><p>“What. Is. Happening.” Mercy is stilling having trouble grasping the idea that she wasn’t the only gay one in the fambam.</p><p> </p><p>“Your guess is as good as mine.” jokes Ellie, collecting an amused laugh from Mercy.</p><p> </p><p>But the death glare she receives from Aster melts the witty look right off Ellie’s face. Gulping nervously, suddenly Ellie straightens her spine and remains quiet, with arms held in a v formation at her front.</p><p> </p><p>Aster rubs her temples, “Mercy, can you leave us alone, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will do! So sorry, Lonnie’s dumbass threw it too hard. And Aster? Don’t worry, my lips are sealed, and I will gladly lock the door. BUT we <em> will </em> talk about this later.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercy points a stern finger before heading back upstairs.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s funny.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster gives her an incredulous look.</p><p> </p><p>“Not as funny as you?” offers Ellie.</p><p> </p><p>Distressed, Aster drags her hands down her face, mortified with being caught, by her <em> cousin </em>, one of her family members.</p><p> </p><p>“..She seemed okay with it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well, she’s gay so..”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie turns around with a shocked look.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get too excited.” warns Aster, rolling her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie chuckles softly, now understanding why Aster was acting the way she was before. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s <em> not </em> my type.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster blows and trills her lips, “Then what is your <em> type </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“A girl who understands me. A girl that’s nice, kind, intelligent.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster worries her lips between her teeth. Ellie gently takes her arms and rests her hands around her hips.</p><p> </p><p>She punctuates the next few words while looking at Aster intently, “Genuine. Talented. Creative.” </p><p> </p><p>Aster’s hoping that Ellie is talking about her, but even with her insecurities she couldn’t tell for sure, she didn't want to assume. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> You </em>, dummy.” </p><p> </p><p>Ellie gazes upon affectionately as she watches Aster bursting out into a giddy outbreak. Now both of them were grinning like two idiots in love. </p><p> </p><p>Aster rests her arms back on Ellie’s shoulders, stroking her arms before doing so. Three simple words. She wanted Ellie to know that the feelings were at least mutual. She wasn’t ready to put a label on it yet, but she cared enough about Ellie to let her know. It was obvious now that there was still something lingering between them. </p><p> </p><p>“I…” <em> I like you.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Suddenly her throat was getting dry. Was it getting really hot in here? It’s like really burning up in here.</p><p> </p><p>“I…” <em> I like you. </em></p><p> </p><p>Why does the floor feel like it's tilting, is it moving? Everything feels kind of woozy right now, did she drink too much champagne?</p><p> </p><p>Ellie looks at her encouragingly.</p><p> </p><p>“I really…” <em> I really like you. </em></p><p> </p><p>Aster started feeling faint, she could feel the blood pulsing against her ears. She realizes she’s never had to make the first move before. Boys were always coming to her, not the other way around. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry I’m, like a nervous mess, right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie tucks loose strands of hair back while Aster tucks the other side behind her ear. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I do, I really do, like… <em> oh </em>, kinda feel lightheaded. Do.. do you feel lightheade...”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, don’t, don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Startled, Ellie’s grip braces Aster’s arms tighter. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t faint on me, Flores. You don’t have to-”</p><p> </p><p>She gets lost in those deep brown comets, hurling right into hers. Looking into Ellie’s eyes made her feel frightened, for her heart, exposed, from her vulnerability, and it makes her heart accelerate uncontrollably. </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you’re trying to say,” Ellie breaks and avoids eye contact, shyly confessing, “M-Me too.”</p><p> </p><p>The relief that came out of Aster was audible. </p><p> </p><p>“But I don’t know… Certain things.. after what happened, my parents, i don’t know if I’m ready-”</p><p> </p><p>“-It’s okay. I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>"You do?"</p><p> </p><p>Ellie did. Because she knew what it was like to have to hide a part of herself away, in order to survive. It couldn't have been easy for Aster to even accept it. And her father is a <em>pastor</em>.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, I do."</p><p> </p><p>Ellie leans in and gives her a comforting kiss, and Aster holds her there to extend it a little bit more. Then they rest their foreheads against each other’s. </p><p> </p><p>“My dad outed her in front of everyone during Christmas.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?!” Ellie’s expression instantly flattens into a more serious one, pulling back with her brows pulled.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he’s trying to get her to go to conversion therapy.”</p><p> </p><p>And that’s when Aster tells her the whole story of how she ended up on Ellie’s doorsteps in the middle of the night. The whole debacle between Mercy and her family, that there was usually family drama, but this one was fire crackling explosive. Why it became so painfully awkward at the house now, and that Mercy was hanging out with her more, simply because she couldn’t stand her parents.  </p><p> </p><p>“The whole thing’s just so silly-”</p><p> </p><p>“-No. It’s not silly. You have every right to be upset.”</p><p> </p><p>“But it’s not even happening to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but it could’ve happened to you. That’s why you empathize with her.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster slows down in thought.</p><p> </p><p>“You understand what that feels like, not being accepted for who you authentically are.”</p><p> </p><p>Aster blinks and looks at Ellie with wonderment.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.. Just...”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie’s soft smile makes her feel warm and comforted, like drinking hot chocolate on a cold wintry day. Aster exhales slowly and touches her cheek softly, admiring aloud, “I love the way your eyes look right into mine. Like you really... like <em>really</em> know me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie smiles and leans into her touch.</p><p> </p><p>“I could just live in an ocean of your thoughts.” says Aster, softly.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie's eyes widened, suddenly recalling her conversation with Paul, from before the whole situation that came crashing down, “Heh, you don’t want that. It’s just poetic chaos and Yakult.”</p><p> </p><p>Ellie swears she could never get used to making Aster smile and laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t sound so bad.”</p><p> </p><p>By the nape of her neck, Aster pulls her in for a slow kiss, a kiss that undoubtedly takes their harmonious breathing away. </p><p> </p><p>Even with Aster’s hands pressed up against her, even with her soft, breathless moans into her mouth, Aster's hands struggling to keep in proper places, she couldn’t believe that this was real. Aster can’t be real. It was too good to be true, how was that even possible? Ellie didn’t believe in fate. She didn’t believe in soulmates, about finding your other half. But as from the beginning, Aster challenges her on her more skeptic outlook on love. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh I get it, you’ve never been in love before, says Paul. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She’s heard things about love. Terrible, horrible, selfish things. She’s seen what it’s reduced her father to, she’d seen it tear apart friendships and marriages, and people altogether. </p><p> </p><p>And so it dawns on her that…</p><p> </p><p>...That this was going to hurt like a motherfucker. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aster: I'm not jealous<br/>Also Aster: Is she your type?! What's your type?!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://awquafina.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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